Nurse Mask

She arrived today with three others.

Written in response to this article, where Mike Rowe tells people to stop following their passions... sometimes.

Nursing was never my passion. While growing up, I never ever told anyone I wanted to be a nurse or even wanted to be anything remotely related to the medical field. I chose nursing because it fit a list of criteria that I wanted in a job: to not have to worry about what I would wear every day (scrubs), to not be stuck behind a desk, to work with people, and to have job security with a larger paycheck than what I was making in retail.

I worked through my prerequisites in a robotic fashion. In order to be accepted to the nursing program, I needed to complete A, B, and C, so I did. I started nursing school and still felt zero passion for my chosen career.

It was only during my second year of nursing school, when I started to get elbow deep (sometimes literally) into what it would be like in the nursing profession, that I started to become passionate about helping others through their most stressful situations. By the time I graduated, I was shocked to discover that this not only carried over into nursing itself, but into helping the future nurses behind me. I became ecstatic to witness people succeeding, whether it was with healing (patient) or paper writing (student). Through it all, I found myself speaking publicly, whether it was to a large group of students or faculty. This is something that I never would have imagined being even remotely comfortable with two years ago.

If I was following what had been my passion for so many decades, I would still be working hard to be a rock star, though I have little to no music capability, other than instrument dabbling and hitting notes with my voice. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I was much more logical and science-minded than I had artistic and creative ability.

I will leave the music making to the magicians and artists that do it so well. In the mean time, I will be perfectly happy in my little niche of the world.

disco star

I've got to be honest with you, son. We're in the center of the earth and there are lizard men.

For my rewatching of old Who episodes, I am now in season five, which is Matt Smith's first season. I always forget how much I love him until I watch and hear him in motion. As much as I want to say that I've been a Who fan since I was a child, Smith will always be My Doctor. Because of the rabid fandom, I had postponed watching it until right when he started, so he is the first that I witnessed "in real time". I am also re-experiencing all the multitude of reasons why Rory is my favorite companion of all time. Of. All. Time. He's so fabulously awkward and insecure in the beginning. Hilarious with his delivery. A nurse. Completely unimpressed during his first visit to the TARDIS.

Oh, chees, the episode after this one is Vincent and the Doctor, which always makes me cry, and The Lodger, which is one of my favorites.

Watched last night's episode, "Listen". I am finally catching on and "getting" Capaldi as The Doctor, and liking him much more. The first couple of episodes, he just felt like an old, slow Smith to me, but he seems to be coming into his own. I've read reviews that say that Moffat is displaying a crap ton of sexism and misogyny with his current writing with how mean The Doctor can be to Clara, but I had been viewing it more of a distinction of just how alien The Doctor is, as he seems confused by simple human shape. Part of it may be blinders to get as much enjoyment as possible out of my show. Mah stories. But I really did the chalkboards.

I have been having idiotic sleeping issues. I seem to only be able to fall asleep and stay asleep if I have a touch of alcohol with Benedryl. I've had severe allergies since I was a child, you see, so have taken allergy pills before bed almost every single night for approximately 34 years of my life, starting at age five, so they generally don't have that much of an issue with drugs that normally knock people the eff out. The combination, however, helps me fall asleep and stay asleep, but causes me to feel exhausted and almost hung over the next day. For the nights that I don't do this, however, it takes me hours and hours to fall asleep and I usually sleep for about an hour and wake up, unable to fall back asleep for many more hours. I'm going to try some melatonin tonight and hope for the best.

You're gone, sleeping in the dust...

Dreamed that I was sitting in a booth in a cafe alongside Adele with this guy sitting across from me. His side had a pull out piano underneath the table, and Adele had just finished singing something. He said it was my turn, and whenever I would start singing, Adele would try to sing over me. I finally turned to her and said that I know that because of receiving such positive reinforcement from others for her ability, it's tempting to continue to sing, but it's good to let other people have a turn.

I then sang this:

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At the end of the song, I was listening to the messages on my phone, and heard an old message of my mother's where she laughed and jokingly berated me for being so late.

The shock of hearing my mother's voice so perfectly woke me up.
  • Current Music
    The Hush Sound - Dark Congregation
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Owl Eyes

(no subject)

Slept like poop. Bacci insisted on being on me at all times, somewhere in the groin area. I normally like this, but I felt trapped as if I couldn't roll over easily. The smoke alarm battery was dying, so it was chirping merrily along this morning. (I was too lazy to budge to fix it, as I'm not tall enough and was too lazy to maneuver a chair.) Traveled over an hour to school to wait outside until 15 minutes after the class was supposed to start, when the collective students decided to leave. Bought my scrubs for nursing school! :D I think I need a lab coat, too, but am uncertain, so I shall wait for further instruction...

Finally got back to the mall around 10:30, which is when I discovered that movies at Cinetopia start at about 10 am... so I watched The Dark Knight Rises. Greatly enjoyed it, but was highly irritated by two things:

1. My full bladder.
2. The fact that I read ALL the spoilers on freaking 4chan's FB.

Ate chicken.
Came home.
Received the delivery of my new desk chair, which I need to put together. I abhorred spending $100 on a new one when I need to not spend money, but my old cheap chair is displaying it's oldness and cheapness by absolutely killing my tail bone if I sit in it for more than 15 minutes, which causes great pain for sitting on everything else for a day or two. My coccyx needs to be taken better care of, yo.

The Beginning of the End.

Due to hitting a wall and knowing that there isn't anything left we can do, it has been decided - between Mom, my brother, the doctors, and myself - that hospice is the best option.

We began comfort care for her last night. Signing the DNR papers was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It has been ruled that she isn't fully cognizant, so the final things have come down to Jess and I to decide. She become lucid every once in a great while and understands fully where she is and the path that she is headed, but then (almost blissfully) slips back into loopiness.

I'm very thankful I'm off the next two days, and very sad that school starts on Monday. Dr. Tee highly suggests I think of taking a quarter off, but I just got my full financial aid back. Maybe I'll just not try to desperately get into my A&P class, and instead find either one two credit course or two one credit courses to round out my schedule with my NAC training in order to give me the full time status that I need. I had already turned in my notice at work that I'm only available three days a week.

Thank you all for your kind words and support through this so far. If anyone would like to visit her, she is at Southwest until a hospice bed is found for her.
today is a good day

Being blessed.

Even with Thanksgiving looming, I hadn't thought of thankfulness that much lately, until my yoga class on Monday. The instructor talked at length about thankfulness in a variety of ways and told us to think about things during our practice and meditation that maybe surprised or inspired us today.

Funny that putting "thankful" into two other words (which sounded random to me at the time) helped to truly open my heart to realizing all the good that I have around me. Just thinking of those two words, though, somehow helps to center my being and open myself up to the good around me.

Although I've been going through a decidedly rough patch, I'm very blessed. I have the best roommates anyone could wish for (brosely and stanieldaniel) and we have this wonderful and beautiful new house. (Well, new to us.) I live in a country that will allow me to get a further education and not be ridiculed or discriminated because I have a vagina. I has smarts. I live in an environment where I can feel safe and secure. (Most days) I am warm. I have a cat with the hugest personality. I'm gainfully employed at a job that is willing to work around my school schedule and where I adore my coworkers. (Most days.)

The injury to my back and hips made me beyond thankful that I can walk, stand, bend, twist, and shimmy, and that I still have all of my limbs and phalanges. The severity of my mother's illness has caused me to realize that it's important to listen to those around you and soak up those stories, important to appreciate those that you have in your life before it's too late.

Thank YOU.
Let's get Pagan!


I just received the following email in my student inbox:

College Community,

Earlier this week, a female student of color reported a bias-related incident in which she was bumped from behind and subjected to a racial epithet. This behavior violates the college’s commitment to diversity and safety and will not be tolerated.

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A few weeks ago, a member of a white power organization showed up on campus as early as 7 a.m. and handed out fliers with a swastica and several reasons listed as to why the white race is superior, i.e. "Blacks are more violent", etc. They also stated that gays are evil and an abomination. [Note that I didn't personally see this flier, but have heard about it in conversations throughout the campus since they were distributed.] From what I hear, it was a call for others of like mind to join forces with them, join their church, etc.

This, of course, caused a massive amount of uproar on campus. Anyone who was offended by these (supposedly) approved fliers and reported to security was told to "just ignore it. Don't let it ruin your day. You're being oversensitive." Zero action was taken to stop the fliers from being distributed, saying that it just stated an opinion and had not violated any part of the 1st amendment rights as it didn't ask anyone to take action against minorities, only to attend an assembly.

Now. One of the reasons that our campus appeals to so many from so far is that it marches around, grandly proclaiming its acceptance of diversity and its zero tolerance in discrimination.

I attended a little get-together held by the student council for students to voice their opinions and ask questions. About 90% of the people that got up to speak stated that it's ridiculous for a college to state that it wants to provide a place where you can get an education without fear or predjudice or risk of discrimination, that it was absolutely idiotic for this to be approved and distributed throughout campus, stating clearly how whites should have pride in their race and that everyone else is inferior. How does this NOT fall under the above section of the email:

Earlier this week, a female student of color reported a bias-related incident in which she was bumped from behind and subjected to a racial epithet. This behavior violates the college’s commitment to diversity and safety and will not be tolerated.

...followed by...

A bias-based incident involves conduct – including words, slurs or actions, explicit, implied or perceived – that violates Clark College’s policy prohibiting discrimination on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, disability, age, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, creed, disabled veteran status, marital status or Vietnam-era veteran status in its programs and activities.

About 8% of the people that spoke didn't condone the information on the fliers, but stated that our 1st amendment rights are our most cherished rights and what makes America the land of the free. Every single one of these were white [presumably straight] men, save for one white woman.

The remaining 2% got up and pretty much just said that they're proud to be a student at the college and will totally back any decision that the staff makes. (Consisting of one girl from Montana and various members of the student leaders.)

One of the student leaders stated that ZOMG HE CAN'T BELIEVE that the students aren't bonding together more solidly against such shenanigans, and he's willing to back them any time they want to form a front, that he'll be at the forefront, yelling the loudest. Someone said "Oh, were you at the rally yesterday?" to which he replied "It didn't fit in my schedule."

Another student stated that the people who are not discriminated against (i.e. white people) should not have a voice at such places, as they can't possibly know what it's like to be in their shoes, that it's sickening to hear the poor white, straight folk proclaim that they feel the hurt. Another said that restricting such voices would also be discrimination, though it would be nice to hear more of the privileged say how they plan on using their priviledgedness to speak to others and spread the words of acceptance, tolerance, and peace.

I... thought I had something further to put here, but the happy/stupid pills that they have me on for my back injury is making it harder and harder to form a cohesive sentence, so I shall take my online test of "special senses" for my bio lab and head to bed, yo.
Bloody Floor

When I'm at home, it's the 40s.

The Customer of the Day Award goes to the guy in the Motley Crue shirt with zero sense of personal space that insisted in fiercely whispering all sorts of herbal remedies to secretly feed men to make them sterile and make them stop beating on the spouse/girlfriend/whatever.

I get to take two buses home from school. The guy that drives the 80 is a crusty old curmudgeon. I mentally call him Sunshine. Every time he opens the door and barks "THIS IS THE EIGHT-EE." (as if he hasn't picked me up a catrillion times before and I might mistakenly be getting on the wrong bus), I want to say "Hi thar, Sunshine!" Something tells me that he wouldn't appreciate that.

So, he picks me up tonight and barks out, "There's another stop around the corner, you know."

Let me paint a picture for you.

I went to this "other" bus stop my first trip home, as I hadn't been aware of any others. This stop is literally behind a Shell station, behind some dumpsters. There is no lighting whatsoever. Right behind the pole with the bus stop number on it is a rather large dirt lot, also unlit. Between the pole and the lot is a giant, fluffy bush that could easily hide a couple of sinister fellows or a hundred and four ninjas. I got to the stop right at nightfall and feared for my life (or sanity) the entire 20 minute wait. The next day, I discovered one in front of the Shell station and down a bit, greatly lit, no heinous hedges, across the street from a nice, busy plaza. There's even a tiny ledge I can perch on! (Which I did on day three, until a giant black spider raced up my arm. I have decided that down the sidewalk a bit is a tad better place.)

So... why in the world would Sunshine insist that I wait there? He had to stop at the shiny stop anyway to let someone off. I responded with "That stop is too entirely creepy." He scoffed.

In other news, I want to try to play around with interesting new braids, but I'm oh so lazy.

The hair pictures you requested...

Sorry for the awkward angle in the first one: our medicine cabinet isn't installed in the bathroom yet and I was trying to utilize the mirror anyway ;) Yes, yes, it's sort of MySpacey posed, too, but... *shrug*

I'm a sleepy baby.

School is going well so far, if a bit hectic. I keep feeling as if I'm forgetting to do super important stuff, but can't figure out for the life of me what those stuffses are. Excited to be back in yoga and with a wonderful instructor that teaches the inner workings of yoga, instead of just the work out portions of it. My human bio teacher is adorable beyond words and looks greatly like a sane Bjork. Spanish seems to be sinking in faster than expected, which I also credit greatly to el profesor.

The house is coming along, but I am SOOOOOOOOOOO very sick of painting. No wonder no one answered my summons for assistance - I wouldn't wish this on an enemy! We've been in the house for 1.5 weeks now and we are still living out of just a coupla boxes.

The boys are currently in Hawaii.

Much more I could add, but sheesh, I need to get to bed.