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retrieved from bono_macphisto... can you tell he's not from the us? *wink*

Peter Kay Truisms

1)Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2)At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3)One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4)You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5)Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6)Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7)Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8)You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10)Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11)You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12)Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13)Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14)Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15)You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16)Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17)The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18)The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19)Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20)Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21)Old women with mobile phones look wrong !

22)Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23)Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24)You never ever run out of salt.

25)Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26)You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27)There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

28)No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29)Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.

30)The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.

31)People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard

32)You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece
of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33)Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34)Bricks are horrible to carry.

35)In every plate of chips there is a bad chip


*****

on a personal note, whenever i order a sammich and they cut mine in half, and cut someone else's in triangles, i feel crestfallen.

i bought salt once. ONCE. when i moved into my own place over 6 years ago.

i NEVER once bought wire hangers. no matter how many i throw away, they regenerate in my closet, much like walgreens regenerate on corners only a couple of blocks from another walgreens. it's magic.

and i am certainly NOT boobless.

Comments

( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
nasagrl
Jan. 30th, 2003 08:10 am (UTC)
Actually, the most painful incident is stepping on leggos. The little bastards hurt, and you never just step on one of them, it's always like 4 or 5.
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 08:45 pm (UTC)
Re:
ooooooooooh yes, legos. those ARE thee worst possible things to EVER step on barefoot, i believe... save, of course, for knives and silly sharp things like that. and broken glass. definitely broken glass.
Re: - nasagrl - Feb. 2nd, 2003 11:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
thaumaturge
Jan. 30th, 2003 08:15 am (UTC)
green chips are perfectly okay to eat.
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 08:42 pm (UTC)
Re:
that was always my opinion on the matter.
jaytee
Jan. 30th, 2003 08:15 am (UTC)
5)Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

LMAO!!

I've also had experience with #6. It is horrible.
thaumaturge
Jan. 30th, 2003 08:50 am (UTC)
hmm, how is it horrible?
Re: - jaytee - Jan. 30th, 2003 09:46 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - thaumaturge - Feb. 9th, 2003 04:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 2nd, 2003 08:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - jaytee - Feb. 4th, 2003 10:02 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 4th, 2003 01:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 08:46 pm (UTC)
Re:
mmmm. i have some pretend bread and some pretend cheese here at the 'house'. maybe, just maybe, i'll pick up some pretend bologna to go with it.

i already have pretend jam. not to mix with the above, of course, i'm just saying.
ragdoll
Jan. 30th, 2003 08:45 am (UTC)
5)Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

I guess I'm totally stupid cos I'm missing the relevance of this one.

I've never bought wire hangers either -- I just stole them from my parents when I needed them. Also, whenever I brought anything to the dry cleaners, I got them (still covered in white paper).
thaumaturge
Jan. 30th, 2003 08:48 am (UTC)
enter the digits 55378008 into a calculator, then turn it upside down.
Re: - ragdoll - Jan. 30th, 2003 08:56 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 2nd, 2003 08:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - ragdoll - Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 4th, 2003 12:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
allisunclaimed
Jan. 30th, 2003 09:12 am (UTC)
I've never run out of salt. There is NO panic like the panic you feel when your head or hand is stuck somewhere. I get SO excited when driving thru a tunnel, that I am one of those annoying people that honk their horns just to hear the damn echo...wierd, I know. Ladies can eat a hell of a lot more than you think. Reading when your drunk is near impossible...

but I've NEVER been nervous while stroking a horse. Although that sounds nasty...but you know what I mean. I am not afraid of horses...I grew up with them and started riding when I was 4. I used to help break my cousins Arabians...he has a breeding ranch...so I have been thrown off more horses than I can remember, but if you look at all the scars on my legs...lots of reminders there.

Good one...the guy has a bit of a clue...although I'm not sure about turning into my dad...I think that is a physical impossibility.

hehehe
susan
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:02 pm (UTC)
Re:
hee hee hee!

i always loooooved horses as a kid, and they were my most favoritestest aminal of all for the longest time, but for some reason, i always had a slight fear when petting them. maybe because of the height/weight difference?
(no subject) - allisunclaimed - Feb. 3rd, 2003 11:41 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 4th, 2003 01:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - allisunclaimed - Feb. 5th, 2003 09:59 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 8th, 2003 01:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - allisunclaimed - Feb. 8th, 2003 02:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Feb. 11th, 2003 10:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
ex_dogmeat720
Jan. 30th, 2003 09:49 am (UTC)
30)The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.


This doesn't sound bad for you US types, but UK plugs look like this.


6)Reading when you're drunk is horrible.</a>

Indeed. This book becomes even more harrowing when you're under the influence....
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:04 pm (UTC)
Re:
EGADS!!! HOW DO THEY LIIIIIVE THROUGH IT?!?
herblover
Jan. 30th, 2003 10:05 am (UTC)
whenever i order a sammich and they cut mine in half, and cut someone else's in triangles, i feel crustfallen.
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:05 pm (UTC)
Re:
thanks for making me choke on my coffee.
bluesmurf
Jan. 30th, 2003 10:10 am (UTC)
Ahhh I thought Walgreens magically spawned more Walgreens only in Chicago! AHHHHHHH
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:06 pm (UTC)
Re:
i thought it was only arizona, but tossed it in there to see if it was elsewhere, too.

for the longest time, it was circle k's, but they're tearing a bunch of them down here, and building QT marts across the street from the remnants. remnants of circle k's and exxons.
talkingpotato
Jan. 30th, 2003 12:25 pm (UTC)
I always thought kitties smelled like wet logs burning in a fireplace..not quite sure why that is. I love the smell of wet kitties..so much better than wet dogs..
Maybe it's cuz they clean themselves so often..
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:08 pm (UTC)
Re:
lol - now that you MENTION it!!
Re: - talkingpotato - Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
asillittle
Jan. 30th, 2003 03:25 pm (UTC)
the boobless thing, there used to be more, i remember one, lets go to bed, whatever that was.

And i think that the most painful thing at home is stubbing your foot on the corner of anything.

My grandma who asks us for rides all the time slamms the doors too hard, it drives my mom and dad crazy

aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:09 pm (UTC)
Re:
eeeeeeew *violent shudder* how COULD i forget the stubbing of the toe?!? or the slamming of the finger is pretty bad, too!
ex_lines
Jan. 30th, 2003 06:19 pm (UTC)
oh, good. i was trying to figure that one out. and it's awfully hard to turn a 50 pound monitor over...and i'm sick! so i can say my brain's not working. and i don't know where my calculator is at the moment... mhm

they're all kinds of random...i like them.

19)Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
aubkabob
Feb. 2nd, 2003 09:10 pm (UTC)
Re:
lol - funny, i totally missed that one the first few times through!
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )

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