You present him with sheet music.
Says the bass player to the drummer: "Can't you play a little more dynamic!"
Says the drummer: "I'm already playing a loud as I can."
What is a guitarist?
Someone who likes to get attention, but can't sing.
How many bass players do you need to change a light bulb?
None. They let the keyboarder do this with his left hand.
How many drummers do you need to change a light bulb?
One. But he breaks ten bulbs before he realizes that you can't just push them
What do you say to a musician in a three-piece-suit?
"The accused may rise."
What is the traditional greeting between guitarists?
"Hi, I'm better than you!"
What is an accordeon good for?
To learn how to fold a map.
What do rock singers use for contraception?
Their character & manners.
How do you recognize that it's a drummer who's knocking at your door?
The knocking slows down.
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
You ask him to play 4/4 at a constant 120 bpm.
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
Recently a bass player left his keys in the car.
It took two hours to get the drummer out of there.