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musician humour...

How do you get a guitarist to play quitely?
You present him with sheet music.

Says the bass player to the drummer: "Can't you play a little more dynamic!"
Says the drummer: "I'm already playing a loud as I can."

What is a guitarist?
Someone who likes to get attention, but can't sing.

How many bass players do you need to change a light bulb?
None. They let the keyboarder do this with his left hand.

How many drummers do you need to change a light bulb?
One. But he breaks ten bulbs before he realizes that you can't just push them
in.

What do you say to a musician in a three-piece-suit?
"The accused may rise."

What is the traditional greeting between guitarists?
"Hi, I'm better than you!"

What is an accordeon good for?
To learn how to fold a map.

What do rock singers use for contraception?
Their character & manners.

How do you recognize that it's a drummer who's knocking at your door?
The knocking slows down.

How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
You ask him to play 4/4 at a constant 120 bpm.

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

Recently a bass player left his keys in the car.
It took two hours to get the drummer out of there.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
ornotmajestic
Feb. 1st, 2003 01:29 pm (UTC)
Even more.....
What did the drummer get on his SAT scores?
Drool.

Why was the bass player mad at the drummer?
Cause the drummer twisted one of his pegs, and wouldn't tell him which one!

How many lead singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They just hold it in the socket, and the world revolves around them.

What do you call a drummer w/out a girlfriend?
Homeless.

How do you get two drummers to drum in unison?
Shoot one of them.

:-D
aubkabob
Feb. 4th, 2003 11:14 am (UTC)
Re: Even more.....
ha ha ha!

as always, you make me laff.
ornotmajestic
Feb. 6th, 2003 10:17 pm (UTC)
Re: Even more.....
*wink wink*
awwww....and I'm not even trying!!
*grins*
(no subject) - cheezmuffn - Feb. 1st, 2003 03:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
aubkabob
Feb. 4th, 2003 11:16 am (UTC)
Re:
the drummer speaks! ;)
(no subject) - cheezmuffn - Feb. 4th, 2003 05:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
aubkabob
Feb. 8th, 2003 12:49 pm (UTC)
Re:
*nod*

*silent high five*
(no subject) - cheezmuffn - Feb. 4th, 2003 05:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
a_running_dog
Feb. 1st, 2003 05:07 pm (UTC)
These are hilarious and all too true.

What is the traditional greeting between guitarists?
"Hi, I'm better than you!"


Guitarists are really sensitive about this stuff (esp. if they like soloing). Since I started singing I lost interest in being Jimmy Page.

How do you get a guitarist to play quietly?
You present him with sheet music.


This one reminds me of the other guitarist in our high school's jazz ensemble. He could play faster than I could but I could read music. ;)

aubkabob
Feb. 4th, 2003 11:16 am (UTC)
Re:
lol - i can't read music to save my life.

course, i can't play guitar to save my life, either, if anything other than strumming is involved.

and fuggeddabout bar chords.
a_running_dog
Feb. 4th, 2003 09:10 pm (UTC)
Re:
and fuggeddabout bar chords.

but barre chords are easy and so essential to rock-and-roll...
aubkabob
Feb. 8th, 2003 01:04 pm (UTC)
Re:
boy howdee. unfortunately, i have been unable to train my index finger to make purdy sounds come out of it as of yet. :(
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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