*shakes head to clear thoughts*
where was i? why am i stopping in here? oh, yes, yes *nods* to share the glee of my dentist-o-doom. (the world just doesn't use the words "doom" and "goo" enough in their sentences, is my personal thought..).. i go in... i sit through painful x-rays that felt like helga (i'll call her that, she spoke even LESS engrish than my dentist, which isn't saying much, and she had a thiiiick slovic accent?) was trying to carve her initials into the meaty flesh under my tongue, then sat in the Chair-o-Terror for over a half hour whilst they negotiated with my insurance company. then came the bill. $131 freaking bucks for stuff that is SUPPOSED to be covered by Humana. fine, i say, just clean me up!!! out comes the various hooks and pokey prods and other torture devices. the scraping begins, the wincing and eye-tearing continues, as i watch him wiping the BLOOD OUT FROM BETWEEN MY TEETH. that didn't horrify me as much as when he flipped the hook around to use the other razor sharp side, I SAW MY MEATY FLESH DANGLING FROM THE HOOK. okay, FINE, it wasnt meaty flesh. and there certainly wasn't any dangling involved. but it WAS bloody. so all i could do as he scraped and scratched away with the other end was stare in horror at the bloody hook. when he sits me up, i see exactly HOW many gauze squares he sucked my blood up with. i pay with my credit card, and leave, stomping back to work to wave my bill furiously under my HR Director's nose.
my teeth are clean, for the first time in 8 years, barring the usual brushings and flossings. i'm not a floss-o-holic, but i do feel that i floss more than the average bear. looking into my rearview mirror in the jeep, i was convinced that my gums would be a bloody, pulsating mass of goo, and, barring the dried BLOOD in spots between my teeth, they looked fairly good.