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so, i get back from the ren fest last night, and decide that i want thee most comfortable sleeping arrangements possible, so that i can have theeeee best night's sleep EEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEER.

so, i think to myself "self? your bed just isn't comfy anymore. let's flip your mattress."

this was at about 11:45 p.m.

so, i go to flip my queen sized mattress.

keep in mind, i have a studio apartment, and a LOT of stuff. henceforth, my bed is surrounded on almost 3/4 of it's edges (i don't have a headboard) by either walls, end tables, or a desk. henceforth squared, there's a lot of maneuvering that needs to be done in order to flip the heavy mattress.

so, i strip to my bra and panties (not that i do this sort of thing normally in only my undies, but i had a bath waiting for me immediately afterwards, and didn't feel like doing physical labor in my jeans and button up shirt.), and pull the matteress up and towards me. as i lift it and get it on end in the middle of the bed, i come to the realization that what comes up, must go down, as well.

oh, poo.

so.

i clambor up over the edge of my desk to the back of my mattress, and start scootin the edge of the mattress towards the other side of the box spring. then comes the OTHER realization: that of Newton's laws of physics: that two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. i have to somehow lay the mattress down, and transport myself to the other side of the bed, the side with the floor, simultaneously.

oh, poo.

as i'm considering this, the boxspring under my feet cracks, my foot flies out from under me, and my elbow SLAMS into the wall that i share with my brand new neighbor. i let out an "EEP!" and then somehow get to the floor, scootcha scootchin my mattress to where it needs to be.

*whew*

i wipe my brow, and grab the sheets that i plan on putting on the mattress. as i pull one end of the mattress back to slip on the corner of the fitted sheet, i can't get enough leverage to stick it under, so i keep pushing myself, and the mattress corner, back by smacking my hand on the wall and shoving. again, on the wall that i share with my new neighbor. i look at the clock. just after midnight.

so, all told, i'm certain that the first time i see my new neighbor, between the smacks and the grunting and eeping, i'm either going to get the most evil-est glare this side of congress, or one helluva round of applause.

also, flipped mattress, brand new clean sheets (that nutty gave me long, long ago), bubble bath, and brand new jammies that my mommy gave me for my birthday, made for one HELL of an effort to wake up this morning....

also.

the whole time this was happening, i had Nickel Creek's "The Smoothie Song" going through my head. For those of you not familiar with the song, find it somewhere. I can't think of a better soundtrack for mattress flipping. You can almost smell my consternation when you hear it.

Comments

( 65 comments — Leave a comment )
blooduponroses
Mar. 24th, 2003 04:17 pm (UTC)
ROFL ::snort:: don't lie, we were having evil, lesbian sex.
nothinganything
Mar. 24th, 2003 04:41 pm (UTC)
*is equally pleased with your story*
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 24th, 2003 04:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nothinganything - Mar. 24th, 2003 04:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 24th, 2003 04:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - nothinganything - Mar. 24th, 2003 05:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 24th, 2003 05:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - nothinganything - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 26th, 2003 08:47 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
Erics?! - nothinganything - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Erics?! - aubkabob - Mar. 26th, 2003 08:47 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Erics?! - nothinganything - Mar. 26th, 2003 09:56 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 25th, 2003 03:52 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
sleepymischief
Mar. 24th, 2003 06:51 pm (UTC)
::::zips in

did someone say lesbian sex?

where where??
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 24th, 2003 07:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 26th, 2003 08:44 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 26th, 2003 08:46 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 28th, 2003 08:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 28th, 2003 09:13 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 28th, 2003 10:44 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 25th, 2003 03:53 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 26th, 2003 09:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 26th, 2003 09:03 am (UTC) - Expand
nothinganything
Mar. 24th, 2003 04:35 pm (UTC)
*is pleased with your story*
aubkabob
Mar. 24th, 2003 10:31 pm (UTC)
Re:
*bows deeply*

i figured that since it was a story about my undie clad experience with wrestling with a mattress at midnight would cause some enjoyment.

dunno why.
Re: - nothinganything - Mar. 24th, 2003 10:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 26th, 2003 08:48 am (UTC) - Expand
allisunclaimed
Mar. 24th, 2003 05:15 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO!!! Ever since Danny moved in, the extra weight seems to have buckled my mattress. I do have a headboard and the footboard but they are getting closer together everyday. This is the headboard: / and this is the footboard: \

Together it looks sorta like this... headboard /--\ footboard...way bad situation....



You can hear every movement made on that damn bed, clear to Mississippi! No matter what I'm doing in my bed...my neighbors hear it. It's gonna collapse any day now!

My neighbors must love me...

Why can't they make an affordable bed that works?

I still like your mattress flinging escapade better, yours is funny...no offense but it is...mine's just pathetic....

peace
susan



aubkabob
Mar. 24th, 2003 10:27 pm (UTC)
Re:
i had a daybed that did that, when i was a teen.
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 26th, 2003 09:05 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - allisunclaimed - Mar. 26th, 2003 10:29 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 26th, 2003 11:23 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - allisunclaimed - Mar. 26th, 2003 01:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 26th, 2003 01:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - allisunclaimed - Mar. 27th, 2003 09:17 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 27th, 2003 12:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 28th, 2003 09:37 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - allisunclaimed - Mar. 29th, 2003 09:48 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 29th, 2003 06:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 28th, 2003 08:09 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blooduponroses - Mar. 28th, 2003 09:14 am (UTC) - Expand
sleepymischief
Mar. 24th, 2003 06:53 pm (UTC)
that was the funniest freaking thing i've heard all year!!! i burst out laughing at the stripped down to your bra and panties bit.

i would've paid GOOD MONEY to see that one (the mattress flipping! altho..;)
aubkabob
Mar. 24th, 2003 10:18 pm (UTC)
Re:
lol - i pictured it in my mind the way that other people prolly did:

that i stood up, spit in both hands, grunted, said "welp, the job isn't going to do itself..." then stripped.

i'm certain that people are positive that i do dishes in my undies, too.
you own more than underwear?;) - sleepymischief - Mar. 26th, 2003 05:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: you own more than underwear?;) - aubkabob - Mar. 28th, 2003 08:18 am (UTC) - Expand
baryon
Mar. 24th, 2003 08:17 pm (UTC)
If your neighbor ever asks you what all that noise was, I don't think they will believe you if you tell them you were flipping over a mattress so that you could sleep better.
aubkabob
Mar. 24th, 2003 10:13 pm (UTC)
Re:
hm. somehow, i don't think so, either. *scratches chin*
ornotmajestic
Mar. 25th, 2003 01:20 am (UTC)
HA! You said consternation.....

I sometimes cook breakfast nude. I don't recommend bacon. The best part is, if i'm feeling particularly spunky, I'll leave the blinds up. Nothing says "good morning" to the people looking in, than my blinding white ass, and pasty white skin. (Oooh!! That rhymed!!)
aubkabob
Mar. 26th, 2003 08:51 am (UTC)
Re:
lol!

such wonderful poetry you wrote!
(no subject) - ornotmajestic - Mar. 28th, 2003 01:55 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Mar. 28th, 2003 10:29 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ornotmajestic - Apr. 5th, 2003 11:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Apr. 6th, 2003 12:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ornotmajestic - Apr. 9th, 2003 04:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: - aubkabob - Apr. 11th, 2003 09:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Mar. 26th, 2003 08:52 am (UTC)
Re:
lol.. none yet, anyway!

other than my bed now being TOO comfy ;)
( 65 comments — Leave a comment )

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