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After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a sheet which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight. The mechanics read and then respond in writing
on the lower Half of the form what remedial action was taken. Never
let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses:

P = the problem logged by the pilot
S =the solution and action taken by engineers.

Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
brynna
Jul. 5th, 2003 06:01 pm (UTC)
*giggles*
eve6chik
Jul. 5th, 2003 06:07 pm (UTC)

those.

are so freaking funny.
i am laughing waaay too much right now.

*mad gigglefits*

im gunna steal those from you. *grin*
aubkabob
Jul. 16th, 2003 04:27 pm (UTC)
Re:
yay! i love it when i succeed in entertaining and when people take stuff from me! :D
lisaofdoom
Jul. 5th, 2003 06:14 pm (UTC)
These are great! :D
aubkabob
Jul. 16th, 2003 04:28 pm (UTC)
Re:
thanks! :)
dreamrot
Jul. 5th, 2003 06:21 pm (UTC)
I think I read these somewhere before, or something very similar. BBut it's hilarious.
aubkabob
Jul. 16th, 2003 04:29 pm (UTC)
Re:
i'm gglad you liked!
dreamrot
Jul. 16th, 2003 04:33 pm (UTC)
It's not my fault...my keyboard isn't so good. the S and the B tend to stick. It's not my fault. I swear.
aubkabob
Aug. 7th, 2003 09:41 pm (UTC)
Re:
*stares*

uh huh.
baryon
Jul. 5th, 2003 06:36 pm (UTC)
P: Prop fluid seepage from #2.
S: #2 propeller seepage normal; #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Pilot's seat cushion too hard
S: Exchanged pilot & copilot seat cushions.

P: Relief tube too short
S: Length OK for maintenance personnel
aubkabob
Jul. 16th, 2003 04:29 pm (UTC)
Re:
hee hee!
(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Jul. 22nd, 2003 04:15 pm (UTC)
Re:
yuh huh!
pentomino
Jul. 6th, 2003 01:13 am (UTC)
When I heard this, it was attributed to the Air Force. Target radar on a Qantas airliner?

It's still funny, though. It's one of the more original of the forwarded folklore that goes around.
aubkabob
Jul. 24th, 2003 07:13 pm (UTC)
Re:
*shrug* i always figured that the majority of the jokes out there are recycled things, anyhow.. i've seen the same joke be emailed around a million times and credited first to dave barry.. then to george carlin... then to robin williams...

*shrug*
pentomino
Jul. 24th, 2003 09:22 pm (UTC)
Re:
That's nonsense. I wrote all those jokes!

All 200 lawyer jokes are Pentomino originals!
aubkabob
Aug. 14th, 2003 03:38 pm (UTC)
Re:
aHA!
pentomino
Aug. 14th, 2003 09:34 pm (UTC)
Re:
Where did you find the time to respond to this old-ass post?
aubkabob
Sep. 26th, 2003 03:19 pm (UTC)
Re:
well, you know..

i ... uh...

patience is a virtue? *blush*
pentomino
Sep. 26th, 2003 07:29 pm (UTC)
Re:
You waited forty days to read that post on purpose, didn't you?
aubkabob
Dec. 9th, 2003 08:51 pm (UTC)
Re:
hee hee hee.

i'll never tell...

and 40 more days to respond to it ;)
pentomino
Dec. 21st, 2003 04:45 am (UTC)
Re:
I could only wait twelve.
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )

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