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7 years ago at this instant, I was slouched on a greyhound bus somewhere in new mexico. all my worldly possessions were stuffed in two duffle bags below. my family had been 'split up' that summer, my mother being busted for selling crystal and facing a heavy prison sentence, and my brother being forced to stay with his father in hickville, missouri. my dream of living in the d.c. area had been bashed. i had lied to my father, telling him i was still employed at united airlines at dulles, so that he wouldn't be disappointed and give me a sound "i told you so." for taking the wrong job, for not taking that job in milwaukee with the freight train company. i had been out of the hospital for about 3 weeks, having been tossed in with no insurance, no visitors, for 3 days, almost dying of pneumonia.

1995 was the hardest year of my life.

7 years ago at this instant, i was watching the flat desert roll by, not looking forward to the lengthy layover in alberquerque, exhausted from a sleepless night, exausted from a difficult year. my one attempt at sleeping the night before, after the frightening layover in oklahoma city filled with homeless people chirping and screaming to themselves in corners, clad in soiled clothing, ended quickly after a hispanic guy across the aisle from me woke me up by trying to massage my inner thigh with his sock feet.

7 years ago this evening, i arrive in glendale, arizona, and call my friend to let him know i was finally here. i find he's at work for the evening, and his family knew nothing of my getting in that day.

7 years ago, about 2 days from now, finds me in a non-air conditioned car in 114 degree weather PLUS humidity, riding around trying to find a job. it also finds that although i have had 2 years business school, the only place that would hire me is burger king.

7 years ago this october or november finds me arguing with my only friend in phoenix, him leaving me the apartment, and me being truly alone in the city, contemplating leaving and running back up to washington state with my tail between my legs. it finds my obsessive ex manager from burger king moving in as a last effort, and doing creepy things like callign me from work and waking me up to let me know how peaceful i look when i innocently slumber.

7 years ago this new years eve week, finds a call from my father, letting me know my last living grandparent (really only my stepgrandmother) had died.

1995 was the most difficult year of my life.

Today is my 7 year anniversary for arriving in Phoenix. It also marks the longest i have lived in any state other than my birth planet, Iowa.


( 30 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 5th, 2002 09:23 am (UTC)

Aubracasaurous Rex, that's what you are. You are so strong and I love that about you.
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:29 am (UTC)
hee hee. a new nickname :) thanks :) i don't FEEL very strong, especially when i get depressed about stupid things, but i guess it's all relative...? i mean what i have to deal with now compared to what i was dealing with then?
Sep. 5th, 2002 09:28 am (UTC)
You are awesome. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
What was I doing 7 years ago? Ummm, more or less the same crap I do now, only without respect or responsibility. Boy have I grown up. :)
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:30 am (UTC)
*blush* thank you. *quiet smile*
(no subject) - ex_dogmeat720 - Sep. 28th, 2002 04:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Jul. 9th, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_dogmeat720 - Jul. 9th, 2005 10:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 5th, 2002 10:19 am (UTC)
Wow! Sounds like you've come a long way. Hope the reflections are doing you well. BTW, I like the new user pic :-)
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:30 am (UTC)
thanks, my beloved nikkiegirl made it for me (you think i'm THAT talented? *giggle*)
Sep. 5th, 2002 10:24 am (UTC)
you are one of the strongest people that i know. the most strong probably being my mother. you are wonderful and bright and sweet and funny and my life is better because i know and have known you. i can't WAIT to meet you and i just have to say that i don't think i could've faced the adversity that you faced and been ok. you have incredible strength of character and i admire you so much.

love you :-D

::HUG:: nikkie
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:32 am (UTC)
thanks so much, hun. it's weird, sure i was stressed then, but i didnt' realize everything i went through until i can now look back years later.

if you look at it from a religious stand point of view, God never gives us more than we can handle.

if you look at it from a non religious view, everything happens for a reason, and is all part of the big picture.

looking back, i can honestly say that year was the year that made me turn from a teenager into an adult, though i still had a long way to go regarding responsibility.
Sep. 5th, 2002 10:54 am (UTC)
Wow hon, you've come such a long way, and you did it all on your own, you should be so proud *hugs*
That was an amazing entry, I hope you put it in your 'memories'

heeh you are like me, we both tend to draw homeless people or those that like to 'make moves' when we are sleeping. We must look so cute snoozing
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:33 am (UTC)
thanks, i'll take your idea and toss it in my memories ;)
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:33 am (UTC)
*blush* thank you.
Sep. 5th, 2002 05:01 pm (UTC)
1995 was hard for us.

1996 we learned how to cope with '95.

1997 we learned to look forward.

and i havent looked back since.
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:28 am (UTC)

i look back at the fun we had, like discovering mst3k, the icecream incident at mcdonalds, (or should i say MANY ice cream incidents), the power rangers movie and adam's head, finding zordon, playing the tiny toons video game, teaching roni how to play final fantasy, lots of quantum leap, walking through the park close to the house.

i truly think that when you came out to visit, right before mom was busted, was by FAR thee best part of the year.
(no subject) - aubkabob - Jul. 9th, 2005 08:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 5th, 2002 08:48 pm (UTC)
*hugs* You are strong. You can look back and take everything in. How many people can say that?
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:34 am (UTC)
i've always been a firm believer that you are in control of your life, that those that have parents that do drugs or are poor sink down into drugged poverty because they don't feel they have a choice.

i came from that background, and, while sure, i'm screwed up in some accounts, i'm working past them.
(no subject) - courtlynne - Sep. 6th, 2002 07:54 am (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 6th, 2002 02:41 am (UTC)
Iowa! Wooooo!


Fantastic post, Aubrey. Not necessarily all you've had to deal with, mind you, but....just....fantastic post.
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:35 am (UTC)
ah, it's all in the past... take what you can from it, deal, and move on :)
Sep. 6th, 2002 04:00 am (UTC)
you know what all that made me think of? the last scenes of Ghost World where Thora Birch gets on that bus that the old guy's been waiting for all the way through the film, and just heads off into the sunset. that's where you were back then.

you're in a better place now by the sounds of it..
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:36 am (UTC)
that was one thing i totally missed from moving around a lot, is getting on the greyhound bus, leaving the world behind, and being who i want to be in a brand new location with new surroundings.
Re: - mr_d_heart - Sep. 6th, 2002 06:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 6th, 2002 06:36 am (UTC)
thanks :)
Sep. 6th, 2002 04:46 pm (UTC)
The road must have been wretch. As much as I have urged you to find something new, to find a change for the hope of spice, I must congratulate you on how far you have come. =)
Sep. 9th, 2002 11:59 am (UTC)
*shy smile*

thanks ;)
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 6th, 2003 01:16 pm (UTC)
thank you. i greatly appreciate it.

and you're an amazing human being, too. never forget that.

(yes, i know that this is late, i dunno how in the world i missed replying to this.. i posted a link in my journal today to this post, to commemorate my 8th anniversary for arriving in phoenix.

or what WOULD have been my 8th anniversary..)

and did you read that you were in my dream last night?
Sep. 11th, 2002 10:24 am (UTC)
must have been the planetary alignment or something...1995 was a bad year...1996 was HORRIBLE.....

I'm so glad you survived and kept a sense of humor...I'm glad you made it to LJ .... you brighten my day.
Sep. 6th, 2003 01:17 pm (UTC)
thank you, my dear, that means a lot to me :) you've brought much to my life, too, although i haven't been around much lately to show it...
( 30 comments — Leave a comment )


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