November 28th, 2002

disco star

turkey... turkey... and stuffing... to the brink...

i've already done the 'someone else's family' thing, am stuffed (no pun intended) to the brink with turkey and all the fixins...

and i was out of there by 230. the whole day ahead.

the whole family thing got me thinking. we were sitting there during dinner, peyton and i, next to his friend rob, his wife, their three kids, and both of robs parents. after Grace was said, with everyone holding hands, and the home made hominy salad was being passed around and the homemade stuffing was yanked from the stove (not of that boxed stuff..), it hit me:

This is what 'normal' families do.

okay, granted that this day and age, 'normal' consists of divorced parents that - in a GOOD situation - take turns swapping the kids for the holidays.

i dunno. it's difficult to put everything into words, what i'm feeling. having parents that divorced when i was 9 months old (because my mother had decided to have me), and seeing another failed marriage, and other failed long term relationships, and myself never have anything last more than 2's completely foreign and ... just plain WEIRD, sitting in a room with ORIGINAL parents that are still married after 38 years.

i guess that between the dreams that i've been having and witnessing things like that, it's helping me to get out of my 'commitment shell' and start actually dismissing the ideas that marriage just cannot work, and that i certainly am not made for it.

i am going to marry. maybe not for another few years, but it will happen. i just know that he's going to be an oddball like i am, most likely someone, such as my self, that has never really had a true long term relationship, so that he and i can traverse this whole new alien world together.
  • Current Music
    Jon Brion - Magnolia
disco star

(no subject)

something else hit me today, sitting around that table with the norman rockwell family:

i haven't been with my family for Thanksgiving in ten years.

not for a DECADE, have i had my mother's cooking over Thanksgiving, not since 1992. 1993 found me away at school in June, never to return.

that's a lonely thought.

i was able to come home from school over Christmas a few times, so i think that it's only been 8 years since i opened presents with my family Christmas morning.

Jess, i know you're reading this, please know that you and mom are in my thoughts and my heart, and that i miss both of you very much. I think that this year, for some reason, it's much harder to be away from you two.

I love you. *she says as she wipes tears from her eyes*

+ addendum - note to self: if you start feeling teary eyed, take OFF your eye make up BEFORE anything spills.
  • Current Mood
    nostalgic nostalgic