September 14th, 2003

disco star

(no subject)

mmm.. what to do with actual days off?

jess and i are going to barnes and noble, it seems, prolly at jantzen beach.

i feel a bit... odd today. kind of like .. like.. a hallowed out shell? i feel frail.

maybe it's just leftover hangover.

for anyone that wanted a FULL roll call from friday night's festivities, you can find it here!

If I look up in your eyes
will you notice me or notice it or
fade into this accident
  • Current Music
    Our Lady Peace - Big Dumb Rocket
disco star

(no subject)

i always feel cheesy at the rush of.. cheesiness? when i listen to old hair metal.

for example.

on my mp3 thingie, a few minutes ago, came Fate's Warning. Shotgun Messiah just finished.

boy, do they bring back great memories. not great memories of how much aqua net i went through and how i had been convinced that wearing torn jeans with rocker cowboy boots, band shirts and flannel's were pristine fashion. and don't forget my john lennon sunglasses i donned for years. and my permed, copper hair. big bangs. yes. YES.

er, no. not fond memories of THAT. but what life was like. all these.. dreams and expectations that you have when you're 16/17. where you're still not sure if you want to graduate high school or not. (i didn't. at first. i came to my senses and went back and graduated in 94 instead of 93. not too bad.)

when i was 17, i was going through the motions of high school. i was EXTREMELY shy. i could not handle speaking in front of others, and the idea of having to group with someone for something in class was a sign of death for me. i would dress all in black and sit in the back of the class room, writing depressing short stories (i did win a contest for short stories with one about a girl that had always been physically and sexually abused by her father.. her father killed her brother, she ran away, he followed her, she killed him, then killed herself, writing the words "FREE" in her own blood on the windshield.), doodling, and doing my paperwork. i would get talks from teachers, telling me that they believed in me, in my intelligence, and why couldn't i apply myself more?

my best friends at the time were denise (who now has two kids and a husband up in longview), joe (who is now flaming gay, living in dallas, and running the eastern division of an entire hotel/resort chain), pat (who is now married with child, and MISERABLE, living down in phoenix), and carmen (......). i would provide the house each fri and sat, they would provide the money. give mom the money, she would buy us beer. she would keep the excess and go to the bar, thusly freeing up the house for a party.

i drank more between the ages of 15 and 18, than i think i have drunk between 18 and 28 combined. multiplied by two. by three. by fifteen.

i had penpals. did any of you do friendship books/slams? i had over 100 pen pals. it was like lj on paper. we had labels with our favorite bands on them, much like we have icons here. i still talk to one of them, nicole. odd that out of so many over those years, i have contact with only one. though i do occasionally get a Christmas card from another one.

i was convinced that i was going to be in a band. a bass player, cuz i certainly couldn't SING. and i DEFINITELY did NOT want to be the center of attention. i needed to create music, but was more than willing to stand in the back and plunk along at a bass.

i dated a lot more then, too. oddly, being as shy as i was.. looking back, other than Chad, most of them were a case of 'so and so likes me? okay, let's DATE!' i enjoyed being able to say i had a boyfriend, though i didn't really.. have FEELINGS for any of them. in my adult life.. i can't remember the last time i've been on a date. (wait, was it cheap bastard? could that be construed as a date?) *thinks* maybe it was clint (my last boyfriend)'s and my first date? the day after thanksgiving? almost TWO YEARS ago? egads, time flies.

i did a ton of promoting for unsigned bands. but i've already told you about that.

huh. i had planned on this being just a quick, silly entry about listening to old hair bands, and look what its turned into ;)

and Sara thinks she's died here once before
she's crazy
a pop-up book of flowers from grade 4
are driving her insane
  • Current Music
    Our Lady Peace - Automatic Flowers