February 12th, 2005


angry and sad dreams...

i've been being plagued by dreams lately... well, okay, fine, the last two nights. last night consisted of a marriage to a man i didn't love, and was so very sad that i didn't care for him, as he was a very truly wonderful man and wanted to make me happy, by buying me a nice car, a nice furniture set, etc. i remember going through the motions of consumating our marriage to make him happy, and hoping in time that i would grow to love and admire him, although deep inside, i knew it would never be. but how could i get out?!?

the night before, i dreamed that i wanted so desperately to do the right thing. instead of going to lunch whenever, i was going to go during my scheduled time, so that i wouldn't miss math class. so i went to the cafeteria, got in line, got my tray, and accidentally knocked someone's food over. i apologized profusely and got them a new tray, and stood in line. after getting my two pieces of school lunchified pizza slices, i went to get napkins, and i accidentally knocked a girl's drink over onto her tray. she became irate and said that i had better not ruined her sushi! because i had caused her grievance, she grabbed my plate with pizza and left. i was a bit miffed, but turned around and grabbed another tray. before i could get into line, a gigantic girl came and brushed all of her leftover crumbs down the back of my shirt! i followed her through the cafeteria asking her what the hell was she THINKING?!? and she said it was an accident. i went back and grabbed yet another tray... to discover the line was being blocked by one of the chef guys, because lunch was over. i tried explaining the situation to him, but he laughed in my face and said 'it doesn't matter. lunch is over. I WIN!' i slammed my tray on the ground. i slammed shut the door to the line to the cafeteria. i screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!" at the very top of my lungs. i started ripping displays off the wall and cursing steadily. i poked my head into the line area and screamed that all i was freaking asking for was some FUCKING COMPASSION! don't they remember what it's like to BE A FUCKING FRESHMAN?!? i screamed in anger and stomped through the cafeteria, practically in tears. all i had wanted to do was to do the right thing. that's all i wanted. and all i got in return was things thrown in my face, treated like crap, etc. as i was stomping through the cafeteria, i saw dispossessed sitting at a table, eating his pizza. drew asked me if i was alright, and if he could help me with something. i said shyly 'maybe!' and then woke up... ANGRY... with a horrible headache.

hrm. maybe i'm seeing a trend of always doing what i think others want me to do, instead of what's right for me? i was also surprised about the bottom dream... those that know me RL know that i almost very rarely curse, and haven't the sliver of a temper... in fact, the one word they usually use to describe me is 'apathetic' ;)

any thoughts?

cross posted to dreamers_online
disco star

workity work work work...

i spose that i have SOME news to share since i haven't been around ;) note one is that i may be getting a slight promotion at work... our dearest muriel may be quitting, and although she's been a permanent fixture for... 7 years? something like that... i definitely wish her the best... and i want her job ;) so i went in to talk to Supervisor Roxana, and said "soooooo, i hear muriel may be getting another job?" and she replied "heh. funny that you mention it, because Rick says he thinks he would really like you to take her place."


i don't know or really care - too much - if it provides more money. what is REALLY wonderful is that i would basically sit in the dungeon (receiving) and deal with defects and shipments, instead of customers. wah hoo! no more smelly people. well, at least none that aren't getting paid to be there in one form or anther.

went to work yesterday, feeling... almost pretty :) for two days i hath decked myself out in full make up, complete with tons of eyeliner and dark lipstick and pale foundation. i didn't expect people to be so... shocked! i had guys be nice to me at work that normally don't give me the time of day... so i rolled my eyes and giggled like a chit and let them do work for me ;) serves them right. if they don't want to be cool to me in the fresh wokened up face, it's the least they can do ;)

ended up in the back, unloading a truck.

now. i used to help unload trucks and throw freight all the time when i worked at michaels. it's WAY different at office max.

for one thing, art supplies weigh slightly different than oh...... DESKS. cases of paper. gigantic chairs-in-boxes.

for another thing, the semi backs up to the back door and sits on an incline. this incline makes things QUITE interesting when you stick a pallet jack under a pallet and raise up the 6 1/2 feet of cases of paper, bookcases, and other random 438920837 lb merchandise.

it basically results in aubrey slipping backwards at an alarming rate, a look of sheer terror on her face, and the gigantic pallet of schtuff rumbling after. i believe there was squeeling involved, too. not quite as terrifying when i got to take the little mini forklift thingie in there to get pallets off the top of other pallets, and having THAT roll backwards and threaten to run me over. for some reason, heavy machinery scares me WAY worse than a trillion tons of boxes.

all in all, it was interesting. the night FLEW by, and i didnt' have to deal with customers once. granted, igor and i had neither one of us unloaded a truck before, and it was much like a gigantic puzzle there for us to solve. especially since we didn't have half the equipment that we desperately needed to accomplish this. it finally resulted in the truck driver poking his head in and say that we were taking ENTIRELY too long, and can he pretty please help?!?

i also HURT today. i need a hot tub and a massage. STAT!

for some reason, too, yesterday seemed like thee day for everyone to pester me about marriage (mayhaps this led to my wedding dream?) and why haven't i been married, and certainly i've been engaged? and what about kids? everyone my age that they know has several! i grunted and said that i have a two month curse, and if i ever find a guy that doesn't get sick of me after two months and that i don't want to strangle after the same amount of time, we just may have a winner. as for children? highly allergic.
disco star

(no subject)

i came home last night to a cat that was dragging herself on her side in circles and rubbing her back incessantly on the floor, right before she would get up and race to the other side of the house and back, and then attack me in my chair before flopping down on the floor to continue her dragging and rolling motion.

andrea 'splained to me that brosely had come over and his cat had followed... (jess lives in the apartment complex next to ours), and had miraculously found the bag of catnip that we had been missing for a very long time... and that a TON of the stuff had accidentally been dumped on the floor.

it's now the next day, and although it's been vacuumed, the cat is still cracked out.

good thing they don't have withdrawal effects ;)