March 9th, 2005

disco star

my take on religion

okay, this result surprised me:

You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already.




















Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with

for those that have ever wondered regarding my take on religion (i love discussions of this sort of stuff with people at times), i have a whole-hearted belief that there is a God. I can feel Him/Her/It all around me, especially when i'm outside, especially when i'm surrounded by nature, mostly trees, grass, water, wind. when it comes to organized relgion, i've always had some sort of a problem with it for various reasons i won't bore you with, except to say mainly that i don't think that anyone can tell you WHAT to believe, you just ... do. i've tried being whole-heartedly Christian many many times, have tried many different churches. i guess for the most part, i may be going to the wrong ones, because either they bored me to DEATH, or i would sit for hours listening to how i was going to hell unless i gave up everything in my life. i.e. homosexuality is wrong and evil. drinking is evil.

mayhaps i've just been exposed for the most part to the wrong religions or the wrong churches. i believe in God, i really do. i've made it through so many difficult times in my life to NOT believe. i'm just not certain what form that God takes. i don't believe that religion should be judgemental, i don't believe that there is any one chosen race or class or sex of people to ascend to glory after death. i don't feel that it should be a punishment, that it should be an understanding.

crap. and there was yet another point i was going to make here, but i can't for the life of me remember what it was...

the lights are on, but no one's home
you'll stand there in the dark
until you see.....
  • Current Music
    Marvy 3 - Until You See

musical fear

why am i afraid of my guitar?


it's currently propped up in a corner, covered with fingerprint smudges and a thick coating of dust, the capo clasped firmly on the second fret, which i know is a horrid way to store the thing, but at least i won't lose it. life without a capo is suck.

i'm by myself a lot these days, which had been an excuse to not play the thing before: i didn't want to torture my roommates with my rusty relearning and repetitive crooning. but now i don't have that excuse.

i just keep gazing at it in all its black glory, leaning against the fireplace. i think to myself "i can play it NOW!" and then fervently try to think of a trillion other things i should be doing instead of playing my guitar. it's like i'm avoiding a little underlying voice that says that i'm too old to be a rock star anymore?

who knows.

i hate the fear.

but as much as i hate it, it doesn't make me pick it up and play it any faster.

if i seem bleak, well you'd be correct
and if i don't speak, it's because i get disconnected...

there's more to living than only surviving
maybe i'm not there, but i'm still trying....
  • Current Music
    Offspring - Staring at the Sun