June 9th, 2005


reasons why i live a life of laughter

a drunken dispossessed to me: you're CUTE! who's cute? hey! *people walk up* what's the best word to describe aubrey? it has four letters, and starts with a 'c' and ends with a 't' and has a 'u' in the middle!
faetal: .... aubrey's a cunt?
dispossessed: NOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO. it's 4 letters. starts with a 'c', and has a 't' IN it, ends with an.... 'e'...." *people walking away*

*Bacci is under a side table that has bars on the side of it*
faetal: aww, Bacci's in jail!
me: awww, are you in prison?
andrea: KITTY PRISON! it even has weights in it! *points to the barbell sitting under there, too*

*i'm looking for pizza online*
me: it says here, that if we buy one pizza, we can get a FEEETZA PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
i remember for some reason, not being able to stop drawing out the word 'pee'...
(it was a pizza free, btw.)

coworker frantically over radio: aubreyaubreyaubrey, what's your 20?
me: over by receiving, why?
coworker: STAY THERE. i have something i need to tell you.
*coworker finds me*: i just had to tell you this... i just went to the bathroom and tucked my shirt in, and after a LONG WHILE, realized that i had also tucked my shirt into my BRIGHT PINK underwear, and that they were massively showing on my back the entire time.
me: somehow, it doesn't surprise me that out of EVERYONE, you feel the burning need to tell ME this.

We are at Thanksgiving dinner with my then future roommate, faetal. Andrea is serving everyone slices of turkey by holding the slices between two gigantic sharp knives. everything goes as planned until she gets to my plate, at which time the turkey starts to slip out from between the knives. Andrea compensates for this by LUNGING FORWARD toward my stomach with the two sharp knives to catch the turkey slices, stopping about an inch from my gut. i told her i thought that i should not move in, that i was going to make other arrangements.

I am sure that there's so many other instances that i could put here, but my decaffeinated mind isn't working very well yet. i shall remind you of the following embarassing instances, however:

- my showing people how an exercise ball was REALLY supposed to be used, just to have my arms give out and end up doing a literal lipskid across the carpet, with my body ending up bending backwards into a gigantic capital "C"
- working at officemax during labor day, one and a half weeks after i first started working there, second busiest day of the year, and ripping the inside of my pants from crotch to mid calf, and having to take the bus all the way home like this.
- while working at wal*mart, and talking to a transient, he grabbed my hand and admired my nailpolish, only to instantly stuff two of my fingers into his mouth.

/pointless post