June 24th, 2005

disco star

yes, yes, it will be magical.

i keep feeling like i need to get out more, that i need to see people, expand my friend base, hang out with people that i keep promising to hang out with, but sorta never get around to (i.e. secret_ninja and oatmeal for two examples.) it seems like the only time that all of my lj friends got together in one place was when we had an impromptu lj drinkup (the drunken version of the meetup) and everyone and their pet moe's showed up. granted, it never happened again, at least, not to the degree that the first one did, although we parted ways promising to meet one month later, same bat time, same bat channel.

i hardly drink anymore, so house parties never really interest me all that much. what generally happens is that i show up and feel extremely awkward, as most people there are fantastic friends with my brother, but barely know me at all, other than just being 'jessie's sister'. thusly, i drink very quickly to get over the awkward phase, and end up drinking WAAAAY more than i planned, and wake up the next morning wanting to regurgitate anything i've eaten in the last week.

whenever we go out to a bar, i instantly feel bored AND awkward. i also end up spending entirely way too much money on drinks, to... yup, get over that awkward phase, and wake up the next morning feeling like nauseated death AND broke.

i really need to find a nifty middle ground. find a group of friends that i feel comfortable with out in public. look for things to do that doesn't necessarily involve drinking, and if it does, only like one drink, i.e. dinner. movies. roaming around town like idiots, checking out random stores on a whim. road trips. playing guitar and singing in the park like a loon (though this would probably involve drinking, too. i get weirded out when i try to sing in front of people sober. that's what i get for doing all of my performances in bars.)

i mean, don't get me wrong. i love andrea to freaking DEATH. i thank the Powers That Be every day for such a fantabulous roommate, but when my ENTIRE FRIENDS NETWORK consists of *counts* 4 or 5 people... lessee.. andrea and joel... jessie and daniel... hrm. i'm the 3rd or 5th wheel in any friend situation (though thankfully, it never feels that way.)

i also can't shake this feeling of Impending Unavoidable Doom. as if something MAJORLY BAAAAD is going to happen, and soon, i.e. my mother dying. my stepfather dying. my real father dying. eviction. arresting and tossing in jailing. i dunno.

so... anyone wanna hang out? i can't guarantee i won't flake ;)
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bacci tongue

(no subject)

amazing how one's tastes change.

i find myself eating stuff that i would have totally found odd and weird and chaotic even a month or two ago.

for example. right now, i'm mixing up a tablespoon of peanut butter with flax seed meal and a meal that was made out of ground hazelnuts.