October 12th, 2005

disco star

adventures in public bathrooms, vol. I

within two days, i experienced the joys of sharing a public restroom with 4 year olds.

the first day, i was in michaels, and had to pee BADLY. so i raced in and went into the only available stall, tore my pants down and with a heavy sigh, plopped down to relieve myself. as i had entered the bathroom, i had seen a little 4 year oldish boy with spiderman shoes in the other stall, his nose pressed up against the crack to watch me come in.

after i started my stream of relief, i glanced over and saw the same spiderman shoes pressed against the wall of the stall next to me. as my eyes followed the logical line of his shoes, i saw a brown eye staring unblinking at me from the crack in between the stalls. i took a deep breath to say "EXCUSE ME!!!?!" right as the mother said "tommy! it is not nice to watch other people go to the bathroom!" "but WHYYYYY?!?" "it's just not polite! get over here!" "but MOOOOM!" "no buts, don't watch other people go to the bathroom!" "But WHY?!?" "because it's not polite!"

i hurried with my deed and left post haste.

the next day, i was between shifts in barnes and noble. i had just sat down to go, when a mom and 4 year oldish girl came in. unfortunately, my rear end took the opportunity to let loose with a passing of gas at the same moment they passed my stall. the daughter said "mom, what was that noise?" the mother replied "it was nothing, honey." to be truthful, it was more of a light "fluff!" than an all out "brrrrraaaaap!", so it wasn't overly noisy or grotesque. the daughter kept pressing the issue "but MOOOOM, what WAAAS it? what was that NOOOISE?!??" the mother replied "it was nothing, hun, pay no attention to it. just.. nevermind!" "but MOOOM, what was it?!? WHAT was IIIIT?!? what was that NOOOISE?!?" "nothing, honey, just nevermind, it isn't important." i could tell by the mother's voice that she was grinning from ear to ear as she spoke to her daughter.

i hurried with my deed and again left post haste.

oddly, this hasn't deterred me from using public bathrooms at all.

sleepy. the tooth whitening stuff i'm using causes my teeth to ACHE enough that the pain incorporated itself into my dreams last night. i feel that there's something else really important or exciting to tell you, but i cannot think of what that would be.
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