February 23rd, 2007

disco star

we're all fools if we dance or not...

Before I go to bed....

Last night, I dreamed that I was looking through SPIN magazine and saw idioscosmos posing in a picture with his band. I showed it to all my friends. (Well, a couple.)

In a different dream, I realized I had acne again (which I suffered from GREATLY in my late teens) and felt my face was wet. I looked into the mirror, and all my pimples were giant white heads that were OOZING pus. I remember the feel of the kleenex that I wiped over the pimples as I removed tablespoons of pus from each one.

Issues sleeping... well, falling asleep. I hear that as you age, you frequently get one of two issues with sleeping: either it's impossible to fall asleep, or it's impossible to STAY asleep. I guess, in a way, that I'm happy that I have the former instead of the latter. At least once I konk out, I'm OUT. It's just the matter of getting there.
disco star

Movin', just keep movin'.... til I don't know why I'm staying...

More bad dreams....

Dreamed that Jessie, Daniel, and I came home... to find our (Jess and my) parents ripped in half. I could see blood pooling on the kitchen floor from the door outside, and Jess refused to let me in because he didn't want me to have to witness it first hand. Instead, I called 911 and tried to remain calm as possible to get the info out.

Someone then told me to hop into an old elevator with them (it was pulled up by string) and took me to the second floor to hide out from whatever had done that with them. I told them that it was fine, it was broad daylight, but they insisted that sunlight gives the best shadows to hide in. The attic was covered in dust and a couple of pallet mats that one or two people were laying in. Everyone insisted that I sleep, and I kept yelling at them that my parents were ripped in HALF, how could I possibly sleep? A youngish man in nothing but a pair of dark jeans stretched languidly and said that he would hold me and keep me safe. I eyed him warily and stated that it didn't make me feel any better.

Allergies driving me BONKERS today. I woke up in a bad mood and don't want to deal with school or work, but alas...

I'm so freaking ready for this quarter to be over.
disco star

Meet Jack the bastard, he was born without a face.

Apparently, the creepy guy that I was nice to on the bus for five minutes that stalked me around my school is now making appearances at my work, demanding to know when I'll be in next. Everyone at work seems quite worried about me because of his behavior.

Freaking fantastic.

I also lost my phone for a couple of days, but just found it and my seven new voicemails and eleven new text messages. Sorry.

Call Everest College for a Brochure Now.

In thinking of mortality lately, I wanted to do research as to exactly why each of my grandparents passed. I lost my last biological grandparent when I was eight.

My mother's mother died of colon cancer when my my mother was 22. (Three years before I was born.)
My mother's father died of complications of diabetes when I was almost six. (Amputation followed by toxicity or something like that.)
My father's mother died of heart failure when I was four. (She went in for a skin graft over severe leg ulcers much like the ones my mother has now.)
My father's father died of heart failure when I was eight. (Sudden.)

I don't believe any of them lived past seventy. I need to find out the ages, methinks. Funny that I know almost nothing about my grandparents, other than my Grandma Wilcox never smiled, both my grandpas were alcoholics, and my Grandma Keating made homemade ketchup.

As my parents stand now, both are surviving. I know my father has had issues with cancer years ago, but beyond that, he's extremely close-mouthed about his health. (The cancer I found out over a year after the fact.) My mother.....? Well... extremely high blood pressure, conjestive heart failure, extremely awful diabetes, troubles to the extremeties because of diabetes (ulcers, lack of feeling). Coupled with the fact that she takes fistfuls of medication, eats everything under the sun/moon/stars, and had decades of extreme drug abuse, it's a wonder she's still around. (Though she's miserable and feels her life is beyond over at 56.) My father drinks a lot, I believe, and will be 70 in May. (I haven't been around him in YEARS to see if this is still true...) Jess's dad has had two or three heart attacks in the last couple of years and will be having bipass surgery soon, and is now also an extreme meth-head.

Looking at my family history, I really really really should become a healthier individual so that I can thwart of the imminent diabetes and heart issues. I don't smoke (cigarettes or other). I almost never drink alcohol. I quit drinking most caffeine (I still have tea on occasion, but it's so little caffeine that I don't get headaches anymore if I don't have it.) and have cut a lot of sugar out of my diet, but I've been still having heart issues. Frequently and mostly at night, my heart will feel like it flops over in my chest and then will pound crazily for awhile. If I go to bed full or after eating something rich (i.e. pizza), my heart will pound so hard that I can see it through my chest.

I just hate that health care up here sucks donkey doo. I have had coverage for all of two months in the entire four years I've lived here. The free clinics generally won't do much for you other than prescribe antibiotics and ibuprofin as needed. Maybe I'll get off me arse soon and see what else I can do if it doesn't change.