i have been thinking a lot lately about death.
it all mainly started with
ljers4eternity, which i read because of 
dbsquirrel. i felt very morbid, yet unable to turn away from reading the different testimonies and memorials, reading each of their last journal entries. a death in the twin towers. suicide. cancer. mysterious illnesses that started with something simple, like spider bites. lots of car accidents. some last entries were inane. some had completely friends only journals. some posted a poll or a quiz last. some posted about how excited they were to take that road trip they had planned so long for, the trip that ended up taking their lives.
it made me think about a lot of things. i mean, LJ things, as well as in real life. if i die while i'm still on LJ or any onlineness at all, i want everyone to know. i don't want anyone to be left thinking "hm. i wonder whatever happened to aubrey? i haven't heard from her in awhile..." i fear dying and not having every single one of my entries availabe to everyone who cares to read them. i fear leaving the world, and not leaving a mark.
i fear death, and having any of you feel that i didn't care for you. i care for you a lot. you have all touched my life more than you will ever know. never forget that.
never ever forget or doubt that i love you and am blessed for having you in my life.
it all mainly started with
ljers4eternity, which i read because of dbsquirrel. i felt very morbid, yet unable to turn away from reading the different testimonies and memorials, reading each of their last journal entries. a death in the twin towers. suicide. cancer. mysterious illnesses that started with something simple, like spider bites. lots of car accidents. some last entries were inane. some had completely friends only journals. some posted a poll or a quiz last. some posted about how excited they were to take that road trip they had planned so long for, the trip that ended up taking their lives.it made me think about a lot of things. i mean, LJ things, as well as in real life. if i die while i'm still on LJ or any onlineness at all, i want everyone to know. i don't want anyone to be left thinking "hm. i wonder whatever happened to aubrey? i haven't heard from her in awhile..." i fear dying and not having every single one of my entries availabe to everyone who cares to read them. i fear leaving the world, and not leaving a mark.
i fear death, and having any of you feel that i didn't care for you. i care for you a lot. you have all touched my life more than you will ever know. never forget that.
never ever forget or doubt that i love you and am blessed for having you in my life.
- Current Mood:desperate
Comments
I also hope that if anything happens to me that my folks would say something so that no one would think I was upset at them or something.
I guess the wierd thing is, if I ever went for more than a week without talking to anyone unfortunately it must mean I'd be dead! eeps!
yes, as i go along, i'm finding that there are LOTS of creepy people out there.
and i hate not being able to just openly trust.
i still haven't gone back to that community since i posted that.
it made me wonder not only about my death, but about things like "who on my friends list will die first/next?"
Anyway, I know exactly how you feel. But I hope that we never do have to wonder what happened to you because I hope you'll be around for a long, long while to keep telling us all what's going on in your life.
even though i'm not around that much lately, i would definitely miss you.
i wonder that, too, about those journals that haven't been updated since like 2001 and such, and if some of them are because they died and no one on lj knew them enough to know about it.
i exchanged passwords with my brother so that should anything ever happen to either of us, we will be able to 'take care of things'.
as are you.
that was one thing i found fascinating about a dream i had recently, where i had died. i cared not for those i left behind, for things i left unfinished, etc. i hadn't even known how i died, just that i was dead.
the only thing that terrified me in my dream was losing my ability to communicate, no matter how limited it was, with the living, to completely cease to exist.