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death becomes her...

i have been thinking a lot lately about death.

it all mainly started with ljers4eternity, which i read because of dbsquirrel. i felt very morbid, yet unable to turn away from reading the different testimonies and memorials, reading each of their last journal entries. a death in the twin towers. suicide. cancer. mysterious illnesses that started with something simple, like spider bites. lots of car accidents. some last entries were inane. some had completely friends only journals. some posted a poll or a quiz last. some posted about how excited they were to take that road trip they had planned so long for, the trip that ended up taking their lives.

it made me think about a lot of things. i mean, LJ things, as well as in real life. if i die while i'm still on LJ or any onlineness at all, i want everyone to know. i don't want anyone to be left thinking "hm. i wonder whatever happened to aubrey? i haven't heard from her in awhile..." i fear dying and not having every single one of my entries availabe to everyone who cares to read them. i fear leaving the world, and not leaving a mark.

i fear death, and having any of you feel that i didn't care for you. i care for you a lot. you have all touched my life more than you will ever know. never forget that.

never ever forget or doubt that i love you and am blessed for having you in my life.

Comments

(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Sep. 26th, 2003 12:02 am (UTC)
yes.

that was one thing i found fascinating about a dream i had recently, where i had died. i cared not for those i left behind, for things i left unfinished, etc. i hadn't even known how i died, just that i was dead.

the only thing that terrified me in my dream was losing my ability to communicate, no matter how limited it was, with the living, to completely cease to exist.

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