my heart is pounding in my chest, knocking desperately like it wants to get out. i don't know what's causing it, but i've been getting it a lot lately whenever i've been unable to sleep. (which is pretty much nightly) well, maybe not EVERY night that i can't fall asleep, but a good number of them. my heartbeat feels like i had just run a marathon, although i haven't moved a muscle, other than to toss and turn.
i've spent the last two hours especially, lying on the loveseat (yes, it's cramped, but i slept there last night just fine..) and staring through the blinds at the full moon. it was so bright, that at first i thought it was a street lamp. but no, only God's creation. i'm not even tired enough to close my eyes. any attempt gets them to flipping back open.
andrea's alarm goes off at 7 a.m. to get me up for my job interview.
at 8 a.m., when my 2nd interview with Office Max begins, i will have been up for 24 hours straight, with only 3 hours sleep to break up the wakenness between this day and the day before. maybe 5 hours the night before that.
i wish this would stop, and NOW.
i hope that by the time that my interview at Michaels rolls around at 10 am, that i will still be coherent. i hate sleep dep when it comes to VERY important things like this. you go in like a newborn calf, all shaky and weak and.. well, dumb.
and i'll drink coffee, of course, to fight against the inevitable sleepiness that will want to kick in, right when i need it the least. and then to stay awake all tomorrow, because i know that if i fall asleep during the day, that it will cause my sleep cycle to become even worse.
so i'll be up until at least 10 pm tomor..no, tonight.
4:52 a.m. and my eyes hurt. and my head aches.
baby needs a nap. a very long nap.
Update: it's now 5:25 am. NOW i'm getting sleepy. hopefully, it will be like the other million times and be only until i lay down.
and side note, for those that are wondering why the hell faetal is waking me up for my interview, i've been staying here for the last couple of days to keep her company, get out of the house, and so that she can drive me to my interviews, the lovely being that she is. tomorrow night will most likely find me back at my house, tossing and turning on my own air mattress and getting eaten alive by fleas, per usual.