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so, i'm beginning to think that i have these mighty thighs-o-steel that cannot be tethered by any known material..

i'm working at office max yesterday. i crouch down to put something away. again, i hear "RIIIIIIIIP", followed by a feeling of... freeness..

i look down...

instead of just a little rip, though, like my blue jeans, this was the ENTIRE FREAKING THIGH. knee to crotch. i say aloud "well. THAT'S not good."

i shuffle to the front and frantically look for a female manager.

i shuffle up to roxana and say "*cough* um, i'm scheduled off in less than an hour, and i was wondering if i could possibly get your permission to leave early?" and side step and twist to the side so as to show my pasty thigh protruding from my pants.

her eyes grow as wide as them thar beltbuckles you see on some texans. she coughs as she hides a smile. ever so professionally, she says quietly while surveying the store "i think we can somehow arrange that. hold on. SCOTT?!?"

i shuffled behind her to scott, and see her whispering to him. he looks past her at me, and, red faced, i do the little twisty to the side thing again to display my thigh. he hides a chortle (a CHORTLE!) and shoo's me off.

i have been fighting something for days now, so i called in sick to michaels and took the last bus home.

in walking the mile or so from the bus stop, i was whisper singing - as i'm wanton to do frequently - some song (i think it was by the gin blossoms..), and then i stopped and looked around, worried that people would think i was talking to myself.

i then looked at my reflection in a window as i was walking, with my pant leg wide open, my face flushed with fever, and dirty hair yanked back into a low ponytail.

yeah, they prolly think i'm nuts, anyway. so i shrugged, grinned, and whisper-sanged the rest of the way home.

and.. for a walk i've made a zillion times now, there is almost NEVER any traffic on the road, coming from the south. this time, however, every single intersection i freaking hit for the first half mile, there was a car stopped at every single one. meaning, of course, that i got to walk in front of them, the inside pant leg facing them swaying softly in the breeze.

i just hoped fervently that the sun wouldn't catch a glare off my leg and blind the poor drivers.

the last horizons i can see
are filled with bars and factories
and in them all we fight to stay awake..

i'll drink enough of anything
to make this world look new again
i'm drunk drunk drunk in the gardens and the graves..


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 2nd, 2003 04:11 pm (UTC)
Ah, good times, good times.
Oct. 24th, 2003 01:31 pm (UTC)
yes. me and my mighty thighs.
Oct. 24th, 2003 01:31 pm (UTC)
yes. me and my mighty thighs.
Sep. 2nd, 2003 04:41 pm (UTC)
God, I wish I'd met you before you left Phoenix.
Sep. 3rd, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)
hee hee!

i will be back someday! if not to live, then to certainly visit!!
Sep. 2nd, 2003 06:02 pm (UTC)


Oct. 15th, 2003 06:19 pm (UTC)
Re: *sings*
LMFAO! funny, i was thinking of the same song when it happened!
Oct. 15th, 2003 06:25 pm (UTC)
Re: *sings*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! that is odd, if we ever hung out, we could burst out in tht chorus together!
Jan. 2nd, 2004 03:37 pm (UTC)
Re: *sings*

preferably in public.
Sep. 2nd, 2003 09:24 pm (UTC)
X3 I swear, you make this stuff up.

*stifles laughter*

It's almost like your thighs have a mind of their own, and they've decided they need liberation from the constraints of denim and cotton.

I expect to read that you had a bad day next week and just cut the pants open before they defeat you.
Oct. 24th, 2003 01:36 pm (UTC)
LMAO!! i sometimes feel that stuff that happens to me may seem too outlandish for it all to happen to ONE person. i promise, i'm a freaking magnet for the stuff! ;) i would be afraid to tell people about it all, if there weren't witnesses all the time!

glad i can entertain!!
Sep. 2nd, 2003 09:45 pm (UTC)
i just hoped fervently that the sun wouldn't catch a glare off my leg and blind the poor drivers.

*smothers laugh* Oh dear...

If it makes you feel any better, today I was wearing a rather long skirt, and I kept stepping on it and semi-pants-ing (skirt-ing?) myself. (Luckily, most of the time it was too slight to notice...)
Oct. 27th, 2003 11:19 am (UTC)
LMFAO! yes, i've actually done that in the past, too :) i would always complain about not being able to find skirts or dresses long enough to even reach my ankles, and when i finally FIND something long enough....
Sep. 2nd, 2003 11:27 pm (UTC)
OK, so I know that your day really really sucked, and I feel bad for you....really I do. But damn that was funny....;-)
Oct. 27th, 2003 11:20 am (UTC)
hee hee! it wasn't really THAT bad. i found the whole thing humorous (especially now that it's in the past..)

i'm just happy that i have a journal so that i can share these things with others :)
Sep. 3rd, 2003 10:48 pm (UTC)
awww i hope you feel better soon!
Sep. 24th, 2003 01:44 pm (UTC)
thanks, hun, i greatly appreciate it!
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )


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