i'm working at office max yesterday. i crouch down to put something away. again, i hear "RIIIIIIIIP", followed by a feeling of... freeness..
i look down...
instead of just a little rip, though, like my blue jeans, this was the ENTIRE FREAKING THIGH. knee to crotch. i say aloud "well. THAT'S not good."
i shuffle to the front and frantically look for a female manager.
i shuffle up to roxana and say "*cough* um, i'm scheduled off in less than an hour, and i was wondering if i could possibly get your permission to leave early?" and side step and twist to the side so as to show my pasty thigh protruding from my pants.
her eyes grow as wide as them thar beltbuckles you see on some texans. she coughs as she hides a smile. ever so professionally, she says quietly while surveying the store "i think we can somehow arrange that. hold on. SCOTT?!?"
i shuffled behind her to scott, and see her whispering to him. he looks past her at me, and, red faced, i do the little twisty to the side thing again to display my thigh. he hides a chortle (a CHORTLE!) and shoo's me off.
i have been fighting something for days now, so i called in sick to michaels and took the last bus home.
in walking the mile or so from the bus stop, i was whisper singing - as i'm wanton to do frequently - some song (i think it was by the gin blossoms..), and then i stopped and looked around, worried that people would think i was talking to myself.
i then looked at my reflection in a window as i was walking, with my pant leg wide open, my face flushed with fever, and dirty hair yanked back into a low ponytail.
yeah, they prolly think i'm nuts, anyway. so i shrugged, grinned, and whisper-sanged the rest of the way home.
and.. for a walk i've made a zillion times now, there is almost NEVER any traffic on the road, coming from the south. this time, however, every single intersection i freaking hit for the first half mile, there was a car stopped at every single one. meaning, of course, that i got to walk in front of them, the inside pant leg facing them swaying softly in the breeze.
i just hoped fervently that the sun wouldn't catch a glare off my leg and blind the poor drivers.
the last horizons i can see
are filled with bars and factories
and in them all we fight to stay awake..
i'll drink enough of anything
to make this world look new again
i'm drunk drunk drunk in the gardens and the graves..