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Sep. 26th, 2003

WHY do they keep asking me if i want VIAGRA?!? wouldn't needing viagra constitute needing to have SEX? not only sex, but sex with someone who.. *cough* yeah?

almost every other freaking email i get either promises me the most economical Viagra ever created, or promises me a bigger penis now. does this penis come in a small box, to use at will? is it suggesting that my imaginary partner isn't satisfying me with his meaty whip? will i have to pay extra shipping and handling for this larger penis they are going to send me? how on earth would i hide it from my family? and would i have to FEED it?

is this Bigger Penis Now that they're wanting to sell me, is it in reference to whatever size penis i have now? since i am a female, and i also do not have a beau, would that be a two inch penis? because THAT would certainly be bigger than the penis i have now. since i have zero penis now, would they just send me a little novelty keychain with the rubber phallic symbol that squirts goo when you squeeze it, much like those frightening little pigs that squoosh gelatinous poo when you squeeze their tummies that you see at checkout stands everywhere?

WHERE ARE MY DETAILS, MAN?!?

Comments

( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
yamabiko
Sep. 26th, 2003 01:06 pm (UTC)
ill do you.

you know, taking one for the team an all.

-A
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:09 pm (UTC)
lol - thank you, i appreciate that!

i have an opening at 7.
yamabiko
Dec. 10th, 2003 05:52 pm (UTC)
I am sure you have more the one opening I could fit into!

hahahaha
amade
Sep. 26th, 2003 01:32 pm (UTC)
Of course you realize that the female equivilent of the penis is the clitoris, and in much Japanese Hentai (adult anime) there is a fascination with "gender-bending" where the female's clit enlarges to become a penis.

Perhaps this is similar to that?

(And no, don't ask how I know this. I have a fascination with sexual culture, so I read/study/watch a lot of stuff for the sheer amusement of know...yes, I know I'm fucked up.)
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:11 pm (UTC)
LOL - it's okay, hun, i would watch it, too, if i could get my hands on it.

or, uh.. something..
stillthinking
Sep. 26th, 2003 01:35 pm (UTC)
some of them start out with "would you like to have a bigger penis?" -no, no, that's okay..
"how about your partner?" -oh heck no!!
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:12 pm (UTC)
LOL!

i totally forgot that i even made this post. i entertain me.
hisholiness
Sep. 26th, 2003 01:39 pm (UTC)
Well...
Considering the fact that I keep getting offers to increase my bust size, I know what you mean...
Granted, due to a declavity in my chest, I've got more cleavage than a lot of girls...this doesn't mean that I want MORE.
When did these people get the idea that I wasn't satisfied with my current chest canyon?
Not to mention, I'm still having trouble figuring out why it is that girls get all the Viagra ads, while men get all the boob-increasing ads...

I don't get it, at all
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Well...
me, neither.

course if i got it, i may also have the capacity to stop the emails from filling my inbox.
je_reviens
Sep. 26th, 2003 01:46 pm (UTC)
does somebody need a nap??? :-)
jecook
Sep. 26th, 2003 05:42 pm (UTC)
Off on a tangent
I like your user icon.
je_reviens
Sep. 29th, 2003 08:00 am (UTC)
Re: Off on a tangent
:-) Thanks
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:15 pm (UTC)
yes.

i greatly need a nap.

thank you for reminding me.
dbsquirrel
Sep. 26th, 2003 02:00 pm (UTC)
that reminds me of bash.org
--
Paradox: So, guys, I have some news.
Paradox: I know I usually don't talk much about stuff unless it's solid, but this is interesting, and I think you should know.
Paradox: I just got an E-mail about an interesting proposition.
* volsung_ perks up.
Paradox: Apparently, there are lesbians that want my 'hard cock.'
* volsung_ flips Paradox the bird.
volsung_: :)
Paradox: They want it 'now,' apparently, so the timetable is somewhat limited.
volsung_: Are you going to just take their offer as presented, or is there an opportunity for negotiation?
Paradox: I'm not sure.
volsung_: I'm sure your hard cock is in great demand. An exclusive deal might not be in your best interest.
Paradox: Last time I got an offer like this, there were some catches.
grailgirl
Sep. 26th, 2003 02:11 pm (UTC)
Honestly! It must be some kind of conspiracy or something. I've never gotten the bust one (although I don't really need it, of course) but I've gotten ones for Viagra a bunch of times. Sigh.
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:17 pm (UTC)
omg, that was completely great :) thanks for sharing :D

lol.. limited time frame .. lol...
way2tired
Sep. 26th, 2003 03:08 pm (UTC)
Sounds kinda like me and "breast enlargement". I get an email a day, maybe more, about breast enlargement.

Thank you, my man-boobs are plenty big.

I've never dated anyone with tiny ones either, so I doubt they're intended for my wife.
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:24 pm (UTC)
the word "man-boobs" always makes me chuckle.
way2tired
Sep. 26th, 2003 04:15 pm (UTC)
You know, the more I think about it. I really don't like the idea of you with a penis.
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:29 pm (UTC)
you mean, a random penis in my hand? like a teacup or a brick or a computer disk? or actually wearing one?
jecook
Sep. 26th, 2003 05:44 pm (UTC)
Beats me.

I've gotten enough of those messages that my member would be around 42 feet if they were all real, and they all worked, and I responded to them all.

and yes, my man-boobs are large enough, thank youverymuch.

Fortuantly, I don't get those much anymore. I like spam filters.
aubkabob
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:32 pm (UTC)
i so need to get one. a spam filter, that is. a spam filter with a penis would be just a bonus.
jaddziadax
Sep. 26th, 2003 10:48 pm (UTC)
GET A BIGGER PENIS TODAY!
heheheheh viagara!

lol hehehehehe

i am immature!
aubkabob
Dec. 9th, 2003 09:35 pm (UTC)
Re: GET A BIGGER PENIS TODAY!
LOL - hey, i'm giggling right along side ya, so don't feel bad!
recycling
Sep. 26th, 2003 11:32 pm (UTC)
I don't know. I like where these guys are coming from. I got such an email today, and they say I could potentially be a "pleasure master"!

I think the world's ready for me to be a pleasure master. I really do.
aubkabob
Dec. 16th, 2003 06:23 pm (UTC)
ooooh, pleasure master!

i need to get me one of dems!

mrowr!
pixyanne
Sep. 28th, 2003 09:25 pm (UTC)
"Rip her apart with your giant man-tool!"
I fucking hate those! What's hysterical is when I get when for a Penis enlarger next to one for Breast enhancers.
aubkabob
Dec. 20th, 2003 04:25 pm (UTC)
Re: "Rip her apart with your giant man-tool!"
what kind of humans do they think we ARE?!?
pixyanne
Dec. 22nd, 2003 01:55 pm (UTC)
Re: "Rip her apart with your giant man-tool!"
According to spammers, we are all hermaphrodites with inferior wangs and boobs.
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )

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