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my throat is KILLING me again, but in a different way. argh. i hear my brother is getting sick, too.

what i'm SICK of, is having my legs and arms and stomach coated with itchy bite-ness from the second i walk in the door until the second i leave. and, true to form, my family has NO bites. i must taste like chocolate. or roast beef.

this was stolen from baryon

George Carlin strikes again


Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Dec. 22nd, 2003 02:26 pm (UTC)
hee hee! glad i could oblige ;)
infomage
Oct. 4th, 2003 07:26 pm (UTC)
Funny...
Very funny...

but they are't all George Carlin, several of them are Steven Wright and several are from other sources.
aubkabob
Dec. 22nd, 2003 02:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Funny...
that's kind of what i had figured as well, but they still make me chuckle ;)
infomage
Dec. 22nd, 2003 07:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Funny...
now THAT was a delayed reaction!
sleepymischief
Oct. 4th, 2003 07:40 pm (UTC)
mmmmm....beeeef...
aubkabob
Dec. 22nd, 2003 02:30 pm (UTC)
i am so craving beef right now.
xunchainedx
Oct. 4th, 2003 10:34 pm (UTC)
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

HAHAHAHA. hilarious. the other day, my friend pointed out how idiotic it was that everybody freaks out when the gas prices raise a few cents, seeing as we pay a dollar a bottle for water.
aubkabob
Dec. 22nd, 2003 02:31 pm (UTC)
no doubt!

one good thing about moving back up here is that i can now drink tap water again!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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