which terrifies me.
let's take a look at my two parents, shall we?
mother: cries at the drop of a hat. overreacts to all situations. paranoid.
father: has the emotional display of wallpaper. never know what he's thinking unless he's angry.
mother: two failed marriages, one for 3 years, one for 8. almost always has a boyfriend, regardless as to how horrible the relationship is.
father: after divorcing my mother when i was 9 months old, he was single, not even a girlfriend that i new of, until i was 11. married Connie when i was 13, and has now been married to her for 15 years.
mother: problems with authority figures. never held down jobs for long. relied on welfare system (and *cough* selling drugs years ago) to raise her children. refuses to do anything difficult or that causes stress.
father: worked on his feet for his entire life in only two jobs since i've been alive. only left when he was forced into early retirement two years ago. spent time in the military and even went to veitnam.
mother: had a wide circle of friends all my life (until she was busted and thrown into prison and became sober). partied muchly. was the life of the party. even in high school, my school mates would come over and visit with my MOTHER, and not me. granted, i think the fact that she was their pot and speed connection helped a little bit, but they did hang out a lot.
father: never met any of his friends. ever.
mother: did drugs from a little bit before she became pregnant with me (also during the first trimester of when she was pregnant with both myself and later with brosely, which is one theory as to why he and i have such.. strange.. vivid dreams...). my brother and i grew up in a party atmosphere, parties at the house every weekend and sometimes during the week. a picture of me when i was 4 standing next to a bong that was a foot taller than i was. pictures of me in diapers passing the tray and/or bong to other guests. this party life of hers lasted until i was away at school.. she had always done pot, and an occasional cross top or shrooms or acid, but while i was away, her current boyfriend at the time got her into coke and crystal. i remember coming home from job corps and seeing that my mother was thinner than III was. (while i've never been thin or svelte or anything like that, my mother has been about 300 lbs or more my entire life, so this was shocking). about a year later, she sold crystal to an ex boyfriend of mine, and he narc'ed her off to the cops to save his own tail. she's been sober ever since, and has actually found the Lord Jesus Christ.
father: had a bit of a party life (though nothing crazy as far as i've heard..). he is about 13 years or so older than my mother, so right when he introduced her to that lifestyle, he was burned out and ready to quit. as an adult, i've heard odd stories of my dad bringing a joint to get stoned with mom and ray before we moved away, which is insane to me. my dad and mother HATE each other.. weird that they would .. do stuff... in a civilized manner.. *lol*
mother: when i last went to iowa to visit my family, back in november of '94, my father dropped me off at my mother's sister's house. Aunt Roberta made a call or two, and within not 10 minutes, the house was filled with cousins, uncles, twice removed cousins, etc., they all lived so close. none of them had really had much prior notice that i would be there, either. each of them treated me warmly and as an adult, asking me questions about who i was becoming, what my dreams and aspirations were, how my mother was doing.
father: after we left there, my dad took me to see his side of the family. step grandma Gladys lived in Monticello, where aunt roberta is. then we drove an hour to go see aunt jean. then another hour to go see someone else. before driving in yet another direction for an hour to go home. during each visit, they gave me a quick hug, then proceeded to talk to my father AROUND me. i was 19 years old at the time, so you would FIGURE i would get a BIT respect as an adult, especially because i was zillions of miles away from home on an adventure to go to school and become someone better.
what i find so very odd, is that although my relationship with my father has been sporadic at best (divorced mom when i was 9 mo. old, had weekend visitations with me until i was 8, after then when we moved to kansas and later washington state, i've seen him when i was 12, 16, 19, 22, and 26.) i have still grown into someone that is extremely more like my father than my mother.
and this is turning into something entirely longer than i had anticipated, so i'll stop now. why am i sharing? just something that has been on my mind lately. my mother always exclaims "you're so much like your father!" which is alien to me. maybe genetics has more to do with personality and such than you would think?
and you get so mad
when your ma and dad
reflect when you look in the mirror...
*disclaimer: i don't want you to think that i'm bashing my mother or father by any means here. i love them both dearly and extremely, all the way to the other earth. i'm just stating facts. my childhood was.. interesting to say at the least, and i sometimes wonder i didn't turn out to be a lax junkie. i find my childhood... humorous.. more than anything else. i wouldn't change a thing. it's because of my childhood that i am who i am today.