so, once upon a time, there was this simpleton. now, this simpleton was simple in every convenient way, but he had a secret. this secret was that he could chew caramel at an alarming rate. yes, folks, that means that he had the jowls of a gorilla. if that gorilla was to have had jaws like a croc.
so said simpleton wore shoes. he would wear them to shows, to the theatre, wherever had a dark recess to where he could wear his shoes and sit in the back to chomp gaily at a handful of caramels.