i've been here one year as of today.
my life in phoenix seems so far away, to almost seem as if it had happened to another person, or in another lifetime. much has changed, some has stayed the same.
i get nostalgic about a lot of things, namely listening to old songs that The Vacant Stairs did, hearing songs that were played at Good Time Charlies frequently in karaoke, seeing pictures of a sunset in the desert. i miss the friends i left behind, especially since i know i've been the worst at keeping in contact. i miss the spring and summer nights, sitting outside and feeling the warm wind, hearing it hiss through the palm trees. i miss the monsoons. i miss the complete independance of living on my own, driving where i wanted to when i wanted to, and surviving completely off my own means.
in contrast, i now have found joy in having a roommate, when i thought i could never stand to live with another person. i have played completely by myself on stage in front of many people, had them dancing along with my music and applauding for ME. i remembered how much more fun working in retail can be, since it is a job that is away from the office politics and backstabbing that you get in most desk jobs. i have become closer to my family, learning much more about my past, my mother's past, and my brother's future. i don't even LOOK anything like i did when i moved here.
looking back over things, i was depressed in phoenix. i felt trapped and didn't know how to even begin to change things. although i'm making about a third of what i did there, i live more comfortably. i think that not having to come home to an empty apartment night after night helps tremendously.
sure, there are more things that i would like to improve on and change over the next 12 months. but at least i now know to not fear the future. take what comes and deal with it.
it always works out in the end.