the older i get, the more i believe that i'm romantically dead. the closest thing to action that i've gotten in the last however long is a woman customer slipping me her number, a 70 year old guy asking me to lunch today, and a drunken misspelled compliment. ("you're CUTE! who's cute? hey! *people walk up* what's the best word to describe aubrey? it has four letters, and starts with a 'c' and ends with a 't' and has a 'u' in the middle!" ".... aubrey's a cunt?" "NOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO. it's 4 letters. starts with a 'c', and has a 't' IN it, ends with an.... 'e'...." *people walking away*)

the funny thing is that i don't mind, mostly. huh.

i was working today and was en route with a hand truck to grab some cases of paper to take up front, and a woman in a business suit stopped me. "excuse me, hun, would you be able to call one of the MEN over here to load up a couple of cases of this paper into my cart?" i told her i would be happy to do it for her. she said, looking me over "are you SURE? i mean.. you're a WOMAN." i loaded up her cart and finished doing a few things, then was called up front to do a carry out. it was the same woman, and i inwardly giggled heartily. egads, if i was too afraid of lifting howevermanypounds because i had tits, i would never have been able to make it out in the world. hee hee. it reminds me of when i lived in my own apartment for YEARS in phoenix, and someone would come over for the first time and inadvertantly get the wrong apartment. they would knock on the wrong door, someone would answer, and they would ask if they knew me or knew where i lived. every. single. time., the response would be the same: "oh, you mean the girl that lives by HERSELF?!?" as if that were some sort of anathema. i remember talking to several females in phoenix and them looking at me as if my eyeball had suddenly fallen out of my head and rolled over to land at their feet. "so, do you have a husband?" "no, i'm single." "oh, so you live with a roommate?" "... no, i live by myself." "by yourSELF?!? wow. doesn't that get... i mean, it's so SAD. don't you get lonely?" "um, i've never been happier, i never have to worry about the ice cream being gone when i get home or the last towel being used when i thought it was there, never had to clean up after anyone other than myself."

actually, strike that. i think i got that response from more men than i had women.

i had several friends in phoenix that exuded feminine strength, too. littledevi, who lived by herself and was surrounded by everything she had worked for. nutty, who i had seen grow so much from when i first met her, and who was unfortunately subjected to the whole Miranda issue of "just you?" "yes, just me." when she bought her condo. even Tiffany, who had built her own life by herself, (although still in the same complex as her mother)...

egads. it just baffles me that after everything that we've all been through as a society, that it's still as... well, as broken down as it is.