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dreams of home...

last night, i dreamed that someone was taking me shopping. we pulled up into the parking lot, and it was getting dark, so i didn't notice where it was at first... but it was the parking lot of the shopping plaza in phoenix on Camelback and 24th? i think it's 24th... with Borders and Macy's and and and.. so i opened up the door...

and was completely hit with everything that was phoenix. i felt january weather, now perfect to me after having stayed here two winters. i felt the wind on my check. i SMELLED the wind! i hadn't noticed in my move that there was a distinct difference in the slight smell of the air, though even in my dream, it was logical, since it's a veritable wetland up here, and a desert there. the air smelled dryer... dustier. the clouds... it was that part of time during the day where the sun has fully set, but it's light is still playing among the clouds, bringing periwinkle, cotton candy pink, baby blue, sorbet orange to the night sky.

i immediately started crying with my entire SOUL for the loss of phoenix. i walked up to the corner of the street where my friends Joe and Peyton were standing. Joe said something to the effect that i need to come home, i KNOW, deep inside, how much i need it. he could have me back there in less than a month. i turned in a circle, looking at everything around me, breathing in all the scents deeply, cherishing every caress of the wind on my cheek, through my hair.

i half expected to wake up in tears, but i didn't. instead, i woke up with an allergy attack, with massively itchy eyes and a runny nose. i lay in bed for quite awhile, turning the dream over and over in my head, trying in my waking moments to be able to clutch onto the sights, scents, feelings, and emotions that personified everything that i felt was phoenix. i started looking at things in my life, playing over how easy it really WOULD be to just pick up and move...

but i won't. i just signed another year's lease, for one. so i'm at least at this address until january of next year. i also want to finalize my bankruptcy and lose all the excess weight that i gained when i first moved here. yes, that seems a bit vain, i know.

i miss phoenix. i really and truly do. how could i move somewhere with no family, completely build an entire LIFE of my own, and not?

maybe i'll visit. though i don't forsee that being anywhere in my near future, either.

*heavy sigh*

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
jenniffer
Jan. 20th, 2005 09:53 am (UTC)
I've been having a lot of dreams about home lately too. I wonder if it's the time of year. You know, you're cooped up inside with not much to do...it get's your mind reminising.
aubkabob
Jan. 23rd, 2005 01:32 pm (UTC)
this is true.

although i've been gone two years this april, i rarely am homesick... but every once in awhile, homesickness will rear its ugly head and hit me like a brick.
darkbarde
Jan. 20th, 2005 10:37 am (UTC)
::hugs::

You'll make it back.
aubkabob
Jan. 23rd, 2005 01:28 pm (UTC)
i will. when i'm ready and meant to.
pentomino
Jan. 20th, 2005 10:56 am (UTC)
You might not miss it as much as you think.

It looks a little to me like your subconscious mind simply associated the allergy attack you were having with Phoenix.

On the other hand, often when I'm on vacation, I'll have dreams about coming home to Phoenix, but not being allowed to stay.
aubkabob
Jan. 23rd, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC)
oh how interesting! i wonder what the symbolization is in that....

i really need to get back into dream interpretation.
mr_cricket
Jan. 20th, 2005 11:59 am (UTC)
DUDE! is that the last unicorn?
i haven't thought about that movie in years. didn't america do the main song? i was maybe 3 or 4 years old, and it still gave me chills.

HAHAHA!

don't read this.
aubkabob
Jan. 23rd, 2005 01:28 pm (UTC)
america did the entire soundtrack (i have most of it, well, the singy songs at least, on my computer!)

i remember after my big car accident, like a week and a half later, when i was on my cruise, looking over the railing in deep depression as "in the sea" went through my head THE ENTIRE WEEK.

fantabulous movie.
fishnetaubrey
Jan. 20th, 2005 12:56 pm (UTC)
Molly Grue! Molly Grue! *most iconlove EVER*
aubkabob
Jan. 23rd, 2005 01:27 pm (UTC)
hee hee hee, thankies!

i so need to watch that movie again, it's been awhile!
inisfair
Jan. 20th, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
You know the Ren Faire starts in a few weeks....
aubkabob
Jan. 23rd, 2005 01:26 pm (UTC)
DON'T REMIND ME!

*quiet sobbing*

i so miss walking around in 90 degree weather, sloshed with too much ale, with a handful of mutton in one hand, a bag full of incense i'll probably never burn in the other....
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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