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angry and sad dreams...

i've been being plagued by dreams lately... well, okay, fine, the last two nights. last night consisted of a marriage to a man i didn't love, and was so very sad that i didn't care for him, as he was a very truly wonderful man and wanted to make me happy, by buying me a nice car, a nice furniture set, etc. i remember going through the motions of consumating our marriage to make him happy, and hoping in time that i would grow to love and admire him, although deep inside, i knew it would never be. but how could i get out?!?

the night before, i dreamed that i wanted so desperately to do the right thing. instead of going to lunch whenever, i was going to go during my scheduled time, so that i wouldn't miss math class. so i went to the cafeteria, got in line, got my tray, and accidentally knocked someone's food over. i apologized profusely and got them a new tray, and stood in line. after getting my two pieces of school lunchified pizza slices, i went to get napkins, and i accidentally knocked a girl's drink over onto her tray. she became irate and said that i had better not ruined her sushi! because i had caused her grievance, she grabbed my plate with pizza and left. i was a bit miffed, but turned around and grabbed another tray. before i could get into line, a gigantic girl came and brushed all of her leftover crumbs down the back of my shirt! i followed her through the cafeteria asking her what the hell was she THINKING?!? and she said it was an accident. i went back and grabbed yet another tray... to discover the line was being blocked by one of the chef guys, because lunch was over. i tried explaining the situation to him, but he laughed in my face and said 'it doesn't matter. lunch is over. I WIN!' i slammed my tray on the ground. i slammed shut the door to the line to the cafeteria. i screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!" at the very top of my lungs. i started ripping displays off the wall and cursing steadily. i poked my head into the line area and screamed that all i was freaking asking for was some FUCKING COMPASSION! don't they remember what it's like to BE A FUCKING FRESHMAN?!? i screamed in anger and stomped through the cafeteria, practically in tears. all i had wanted to do was to do the right thing. that's all i wanted. and all i got in return was things thrown in my face, treated like crap, etc. as i was stomping through the cafeteria, i saw dispossessed sitting at a table, eating his pizza. drew asked me if i was alright, and if he could help me with something. i said shyly 'maybe!' and then woke up... ANGRY... with a horrible headache.

hrm. maybe i'm seeing a trend of always doing what i think others want me to do, instead of what's right for me? i was also surprised about the bottom dream... those that know me RL know that i almost very rarely curse, and haven't the sliver of a temper... in fact, the one word they usually use to describe me is 'apathetic' ;)

any thoughts?

cross posted to dreamers_online

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( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Jul. 6th, 2005 02:48 pm (UTC)
kind of like a way to vent, hrm? dreams have always massively fascinated me. i'm thinking that i desperately need to start my dream journal again.

i remember living in virginia and working at united airlines and being unhappy. i had a dream that i lost my baby, and everyone was sad because it was such a beautiful thing to have a baby, but i was secretly happy because i hadn't wanted everyone else's ideal of GOOD, so i went and worked at wal*mart.

eerily, at the end of the year, about 6 months later, i landed a job with wal*mart in phoenix through a roommate.

other than that, i would only have weird psychic dreams regarding music, i.e. one i had in minnesota where i ran across Linda Perry (4 non blondes singer) and she was leaving a party. she was sad that she had to leave, but she felt it was something she had to do. when i woke up the next morning and was getting ready for class, the radio said that linda had decided to leave 4 non blondes, that she was extremely distraught, but she felt it was something she needed to do.
bigstusexy
Feb. 13th, 2005 05:46 am (UTC)
Hmmmm perhaps your marrage dream is about possible feelings of obligation while not wanting to commit to someting that may be good but not ture with no way of gracefully bowing out. Perhaps you feel you are being pushed to do so but you aren't ready. I don't know you tell me.


Last one the expression of aggrevation of not having basic plesentries returned to you although you give way more than you'd like to get back?


Any of these sound good?
aubkabob
Feb. 13th, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
sounds great to me :)
bigstusexy
Feb. 14th, 2005 04:55 am (UTC)
Just glad I had something meaningful to say :) Hope that is useful.
aubkabob
Jul. 7th, 2005 06:53 pm (UTC)
you ALWAYS have something meaningful to say, silly!
bigstusexy
Jul. 7th, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
*Huge lasting smile*

Thanks
belenen
Feb. 14th, 2005 12:46 pm (UTC)
The first one sounds like fear of a very secure, well-paying job that doesn't (and never will) fit your passions.

In the second one, I think your poor ignored inner self was releasing some pent-up anger. It's okay to refuse to allow people to walk on you, you know. always doing what i think others want me to do, instead of what's right for me? sounds like it to me!

I hope your psyche (and dreams) get happier soon!
aubkabob
Jul. 13th, 2005 05:33 pm (UTC)
thank you hun. both translations sound like they would fit quite well.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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