Ticklebuddy Wonderpoo (aubkabob) wrote,
Ticklebuddy Wonderpoo

angry and sad dreams...

i've been being plagued by dreams lately... well, okay, fine, the last two nights. last night consisted of a marriage to a man i didn't love, and was so very sad that i didn't care for him, as he was a very truly wonderful man and wanted to make me happy, by buying me a nice car, a nice furniture set, etc. i remember going through the motions of consumating our marriage to make him happy, and hoping in time that i would grow to love and admire him, although deep inside, i knew it would never be. but how could i get out?!?

the night before, i dreamed that i wanted so desperately to do the right thing. instead of going to lunch whenever, i was going to go during my scheduled time, so that i wouldn't miss math class. so i went to the cafeteria, got in line, got my tray, and accidentally knocked someone's food over. i apologized profusely and got them a new tray, and stood in line. after getting my two pieces of school lunchified pizza slices, i went to get napkins, and i accidentally knocked a girl's drink over onto her tray. she became irate and said that i had better not ruined her sushi! because i had caused her grievance, she grabbed my plate with pizza and left. i was a bit miffed, but turned around and grabbed another tray. before i could get into line, a gigantic girl came and brushed all of her leftover crumbs down the back of my shirt! i followed her through the cafeteria asking her what the hell was she THINKING?!? and she said it was an accident. i went back and grabbed yet another tray... to discover the line was being blocked by one of the chef guys, because lunch was over. i tried explaining the situation to him, but he laughed in my face and said 'it doesn't matter. lunch is over. I WIN!' i slammed my tray on the ground. i slammed shut the door to the line to the cafeteria. i screamed "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!" at the very top of my lungs. i started ripping displays off the wall and cursing steadily. i poked my head into the line area and screamed that all i was freaking asking for was some FUCKING COMPASSION! don't they remember what it's like to BE A FUCKING FRESHMAN?!? i screamed in anger and stomped through the cafeteria, practically in tears. all i had wanted to do was to do the right thing. that's all i wanted. and all i got in return was things thrown in my face, treated like crap, etc. as i was stomping through the cafeteria, i saw dispossessed sitting at a table, eating his pizza. drew asked me if i was alright, and if he could help me with something. i said shyly 'maybe!' and then woke up... ANGRY... with a horrible headache.

hrm. maybe i'm seeing a trend of always doing what i think others want me to do, instead of what's right for me? i was also surprised about the bottom dream... those that know me RL know that i almost very rarely curse, and haven't the sliver of a temper... in fact, the one word they usually use to describe me is 'apathetic' ;)

any thoughts?

cross posted to dreamers_online
Tags: dreams

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