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Two years in retrospect...

two years ago, I had been dealing with the anxiety and crap going with a move-on-a-whim to a completely different state. One of thee most emotionally distraught times of my life, I tell you. It seemed like every little thing that could go wrong, did. I fell and hurt my hand. People that said they were coming over to help me never showed. I got my period, so I had horrendous cramps to deal with during the whole packing process. I had days to go through EIGHT YEARS of my life and decide what stayed and what went.

I ended up doing a 'first come, first serve' as to what I could fit into my Jeep. I remember looking around at my apartment after the fact and going 'holy crap, I needed that! But there's no room...', I.e. almost every thread of any professional attire I owned, and a lot of my clothing that I actually wore. My ENTIRE kitchen was left behind. Granted, I was going to get rid of the majority of it; however, there were a couple of mugs I had gotten as gifts that I had wanted to bring along. Part of me wishes fervently that I could go back and do the whole repacking thing over, since I now know what I will use and what I will not, and to relook at everything that was left behind. The other, larger, part of me is VERY happy that is all behind me and that I never have to deal with it again.

Wow. 2003 was such an emotional ride for me. So much happened. An emotional growth spurt, I suppose, in retrospect, but at the time I was going through all of it... Wow. The emotional anxiety and depression at giving up what I had spent eight years to build, on practically a whim. I was totally independent. I went from completely independent to sleeping on my mother's livingroom floor in a one-bedroom apartment with her and brosely, completely jobless. All the skills I had known from jobs before amounted to nothing: no one in the area wanted someone who was a travel agent, rock star, receptionist, property management, or anything else I had been. In trillions of resumes sent out to all sorts of establishments, I only got one job interview, and they gave that property management job to someone who was twice my age. Fine, whatever.

I remember saying at the end of 2002, which had been thee worst year of my life, that I knew that good things were coming. I told everyone who would listen that things were going to happen in 2003, that it was going to serve as a springboard for 2004, which is when everything truly wonderful would happen.

2005 is shaping up to be a good year so far *knocks on wood*... Mayhaps 2003 was the springboard to the 2004 flip and turn which will result in a 10.0 rewarding for a perfect dive into 2005?

Yes. You heard it. I admit it. I actually kinda like being 30.

But don't tell anyone.


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 13th, 2005 06:30 pm (UTC)
I'm actually a bit envious. There have been times when I've wanted to drop everything and start again. I keep thinking I'm going to purge everything, but I just never do it.

Hmmm, now that I have a garage to sale from, perhaps it's time for my Lifestyle Liquidation Sale.
Apr. 13th, 2005 07:04 pm (UTC)
I had done that SO much around the time I was 20... I was 19 and in northern washington in job corps, they sent me to advanced training in St. Paul, Minnesota. I was there for 5 very long, very cold, very lonely months, then was placed with a job in Northern Virginia working outside of Dulles Airport for United. I hated my job and was miserable, so I moved to Southern Missouri (The Ozarks!) after 5 months in Virginia. After two months there, my friend Joe talked me into coming to Arizona, so I left. The whole time, I took with me only what I could feasibly carry or that would fit in an already packed trunk of a car.

I also remember that no matter what, I made sure to bring my Super Nintendo with me. I still have that thing, too.
Apr. 13th, 2005 07:08 pm (UTC)
Phoenix stole my super nintendo.

Well, alright, someone in Phoenix stole it. It's alright though, I've got an emulator now and it's much more portable.

*thanks his stars that he burned a CD of SNES games before the drive failed*
Apr. 13th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)
I have an emulator now, too, though for some reason, it won't save the stupid games when I try to save them. Maybe I just don't have a GOOD emulator...
Apr. 13th, 2005 07:05 pm (UTC)
And that, combined with a 2 week stint in Oregon selling magazines, meant that I lived in 6 states in 13 months.

Apr. 13th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC)
What made you want/have to just up and leave like that?

I must admit that there have been thing/ times in my life where I wanted to just get up with nothing more than what I liked the most and move to a small town with no name and probably no mention on a map (but interent access *giggles*) As much as I want to a am mobridly affraid of such a move...

Trailing off
Jul. 23rd, 2005 04:51 am (UTC)
my life had just seemed to come full circle and i was at a crossroads, not knowing what to do with my life. someone (halloaaryn) suggested off-handedly in an im that i should go live with mom and jess up here, and it just... *clicked* that it was what i was supposed to do.

although leaving phoenix was THEEEE HAAARDEST thing i have ever done in my freaking LIFE, i'm so beyond thankful that i did.
Jul. 25th, 2005 12:58 pm (UTC)
*nods* I'm glad you've found which way to go, as I've said before: The world needs people like you.
May. 1st, 2006 05:42 am (UTC)
Thank you, Stu, for always believing in me.
Apr. 13th, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
I could never pick up and move like that. I am really attached to some of my stuff, but I am not sure I should be.

I really like it when you do these retrospective posts.
Aug. 22nd, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC)
i think that a bit of me is slightly traumatized from the move. i've been here TWO AND A HALF YEARS, and i still haven't hung much of anything up, haven't unpacked a ton of things, and haven't wanted to get anything CONCRETE in the way of furniture: i sleep on a borrowed futon mattress on the floor instead of buying a bed, i only bought cheap bookshelves, a flimsy desk, no giant electronics (i.e. tv), etc. it's silly, because i lived in phoenix for almost EIGHT YEARS, but i guess my subconscious thinks that if something isn't cemented after eight years, why invest in all of that stuff if i just have to leave it behind again?

though i can't fathom where on EARTH i would move to, as all of my family is here.

but ya never know.
Apr. 13th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC)
i hope i can keep my journal for a long time like you... but something tells me i will give up on one day... oh well
Aug. 25th, 2005 03:28 am (UTC)
nah, it's an addictive thing. no matter what happens, i could never see completely leaving my HISTORY, which is what my journal has become. i just so wish that i would have discovered the name change token thingie before switching from aubreystar to here. i would have SO loved to keep my member number from that one!
Apr. 13th, 2005 11:26 pm (UTC)
Goddamnit... that means I haven't seen you in almost 2 years... When are we hanging out?
Aug. 25th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC)
yeah, i agree that once every two years is horrid, we should hang more.
Apr. 14th, 2005 12:46 am (UTC)
I remember all of that when you were moving...I remember wanting to march right over there and help you move. Sadly....I live on the other side of the country. So...I couldn't. And I remember when you hurt your hand...on a bush? I think. And and....how have I known you this long? Sheesh. And didn't you do something like get stuck when you were trying to move your bed? Or was that me? I think we were both moving furniture at the sametime. anywayz, I was just shocked at how much I remembered once I read this entry. Glad things have worked out for you since then!!!
Jul. 21st, 2005 04:42 pm (UTC)
see? that's what you get for living all the way over there ;)

ha ha, i think that was a different post where i had decided at like 1230 am to flip my mattress and got stuck between the mattress and the wall. i need to find that entry, as i had an experience somewhat similar as i was moving my mattresses recently.

and i'm happy that you've been there for me and with me throughout all of this, although i've been such a horrible friend at times.
Jul. 21st, 2005 08:18 pm (UTC)
That's okay. You can make it up to me with wild lesbian sex...whenever i decide to finally swing that way....if $400 man turns out to be a jerk! or something....

probably never.
Apr. 14th, 2005 05:23 pm (UTC)
Sure sounded like you were going through a lot. I wish I were 30 by now, 23 isn't that great of an age for me!
Jul. 25th, 2005 06:00 pm (UTC)
the twenties seems to be a big transition for a lot of people, i was still searching massively for who i was and trying to figure out what i wished to become.

oddly, after turning 30, i felt almost immediately more comfortable in my skin and almost as if a big weight had been released off of my shoulders, like WHEW, now that THAT'S over with, i can start living my life.
Jul. 26th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's true, the 20's still can be confusing! I still don't know exactly what I really should be doing with my life, but hopefully, when I'm 30, I'd know!
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )


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