i wasn't always, you see. i blame it on that. thankfully, blue tequila helped a bit. i hope i didn't annoy everyone with my quiet snuffling. hopefully, the video game music was loud enough to cover the majority of it.
i work 8 days in a row, most of them honkin shifts. i don't mind, too much, now that i see that Roxana snuck me in for a 4 day weekend over the 4th of july. so... i work until wednesday, have weds off... work thurs and fri... then don't return to work until wednesday the following week.
that's something i can live with.
in the meantime, i shall sit here, restless with life, feeling that i should accomplish a trillion things, but feeling like a vacuum for all that is anti energy. if that makes any sense. maybe more like... well, crap. i dunno. it's way past my bedtime, my head is stuffy, my nose is running, and i have a shot of tequila in me.
i need a shoulder rub, as my shoulder KILLS me all the time now. i just wish i could get past this anti touchy feely thing that i have. i can't handle most people touching me, especially men. this makes me angry at times, especially when i just need a good shoulder rub or a snuggle. "yes, i would cuddle with you, but i may go into panic mode at any time."
dumbdumbdumb. why can't i just... trust?
and i swear i'm not drunk. well, barely. i'm just rambling.
pattie made me feel good yesterday when she was having a really craptastic day and on her way out the door, she found me on the floor and told me that i was her ray of sunshine, that i helped her get through the day, that i helped her to be able to make it afterall. why don't we tell each other these things more often? everything seems so socially unacceptable anymore. why do i like working at officemax? because it's the first job i've worked in as long as i can remember that i can see people's faces genuinely light up when i walk in, as they wave and yell "AAAAUUUBREEEY!" across the room. i think i've wroked there as long as i have because of the emotional high i get from working with the people that i do.
i'll just keep telling myself that.
going to bed and shutting up now.