i think i may go through another one of my recluse phases soon. i can feeeeeeel it coming on. i just don't have money/energy for anything right now. i'm looking at the next month's general costs, and trying fervently not to freak out. not only are my bills going up (due to only having 2 people living here instead of 3), but there are things that are due before i expected them to be. silly cable wanting to be paid in ADVANCE. egads. how bad do we REALLY need Starz? that would save us $13 or so...
certainly doesn't help that i'm being scheduled for 20 hours a week instead of 40, either. though it works out to be almost the same after taxes and garnishment.
i so hate it whenever they toss me a random early morning shift, when i'm used to not getting up until 930, not used to going in until 2 - 4. i'm consoling myself with the fact that i shall be home by 430. nap time, mayhaps?
i hate change at times. i keep teetering back and forth between wanting the whole stupid move just to be the fuck OVER, and wanting to cherish all the time that i have left with the best roommate i ever had. i keep looking around at the house, and realizing all that will leave within the next couple of days, and stressing out over different things that we'll need that i'm sure we're not even thinking about, a'la can opener, Splenda, FOOD. mentally trying to NOT add up the different expenses for such things, because it will stress me out, and i just woke up.
i just really need to tackle things head-on, instead of running the other way and curling up into a proverbial ball. that never solved anything. i don't know why on earth i think that avoiding things will make them better, you would think that by now i would have learned a lesson to the contrary. i'm sure i could accomplish a lot more if my back weren't freaking KILLING me. there you go again, avoiding and procrastinating, so i haven't made it to a freaking chiropractor or free clinic or massage therapist or HELL, because i "haven't felt like it". what is WRONG with me? you would think that being in so much pain that i can hardly stand or sit for any length of time would be motivation enough. so now i get to go to work with spasming shoulders. this day is going to ROCK. and because i am an opener, i can bet the whole stack of frejoles that i'll be behind customer service. i wonder how much of my back pain is because of repetitive cashier movements?
and i'm highly emotional, and i've been up for a freaking half hour. hooey, this is going to be a long day. doesn't help that i'm days late for bleeding, which almost never happens. my uterus works like perfect clockwork, other than years ago when i had suddenly started working out like a fiend at a gym. and no, no chance of pregnancy, unless it was immaculate conception. but i'm sure that my indecisive hoo ha isn't helping my mood any.
back to the moving. i don't know why i thought it would just be an easy "okay, they both move out, jess moves in, we're all happy hunky dory" thing. there's so many things i obviously haven't thought about, i.e. internet. yes, it's in my name, but having it in my name does not magically hook it up. i forgot that EVERYTHING is theirs. the router, the cords, everything. yay for extra added expenses. so i may be internet less for a day or two until it's all figured out. THE AGONY.
i'm also having abandonment issues with weekends and livejournal. weird. i just hate not having all of you around, for those of you that disappear on weekends. i've come to dread the weekends, almost, because of it.