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Sep. 21st, 2005

someone asked me recently if i believed in love. i replied that i didn't. i remember having to think for a long time as to whether or not i did, and i can't even really put my finger on why i chose 'no' for my answer. i know that there's different kinds of love... a love for chicken fried rice, for example, or a love a mother has for a child. but what about love between a man and a woman (woman and woman, man and man)? i'm not overly sure that i do. maybe part of it is because i'm 30 years old and have never had a long term relationship. maybe it's because the times that i THOUGHT i was in love, it ended up being one-sided. maybe i think that couples hook up because it's 'convenient'. i mean, in couples, isn't there ALWAYS one person that cares more than the other?

now it's your turn to tell me why YOU believe or disbelieve in love. i'm curious as to what you all think.

Comments

( 89 comments — Leave a comment )
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grinningskull
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:19 pm (UTC)
I believe in love. I can't help it. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, even though I don't always act like it.
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC)
i oh so desperately want to believe in it. maybe one day, someone will prove me wrong.
stillthinking
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC)
I do believe in love..
blue_kamehame
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:27 pm (UTC)
i've been with my guy for 2 years. there have been MANY a time when being with him hasn't been 'convenient', but i stayed with him because he as a person is almost essential to my happiness. he's the one person i can confide everything to, and he'll just understand. and he feels the same way. we're just so similar. if he died, i would be devasted. i would not be devasted if my chicken fried rice fell on the floor. love isn't really complicated--it's just a mutal emotional dependence. as to whether it's equal, i don't really know...but i do know it's damn close!
soulresilience
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:28 pm (UTC)
I believe in love...I guess. The hope that I'll one day find that "great love" I've been searching is sometimes all that gets me through. Will I ever find him? I don't know. I hate that I've felt so closely connected with a few men only to have them destroy me as the leave and end up with someone else in the end. I suppose if I go a few more years without a real relationship, I may begin to feel as you do. I know a small part of me already does. I have even caught myself giving into an unhealthy relationship for the "convenience" of it...and most times I've ever felt something for someone it's been one-sided. So all your observations are definitely valid. I have this feeling that you're supposed to be alone for now, but you won't always be alone. I think there is going to be someone in your future. It's just this feeling I have in my heart. Not some "romantic fantasy" and "well-wish." Anywayz, I'll shut up now. There's a response for you.
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 07:33 pm (UTC)
thank you so much for your comments, hun.

i still don't thinkg that i believe in love. not that any life changing event has occured in the last year to cause me to think otherwise. all the stuff on television about being completely in love and the man leaving or cheating on them or ending up not being who they thought... it doesn't cause a whole lot of belief in the male race.

i have a feeling that you, too, will find someone, though not for some time. the sense i pick up is that you have some self things to focus on, to work through, before it can happen (much like me, i guess.)

in the meantime, we can be here for each other, woo!

there was something else i was going to add, but my inability to type today is highly annoying and i am still yet decaffeinated.
(no subject) - soulresilience - Sep. 15th, 2006 08:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - May. 12th, 2009 09:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mixedberrywhine - May. 12th, 2009 11:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
faetal
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC)
I've believed in love for ever so long, since I was so little... Things like Disney movies perpetuated that idea in my head.
At some point though, I gave up on prince charming, and the whole fairy tale thing, but I dont think I ever stopped believing in love. Even when I wasnt seeing anyone, or wasnt in love with the guy I was seeing, I believed it.
Perhaps what changed with age was my perception of love. At some point I learned that it wasnt perfect, and it was somethhing you worked at, and most of all, something not to take for granted.
Beyond romantic love...
there's friend love, pet love, love for beauty and art...
they all mix in together for me, its all one lovely loving fest....
I dunno, i've had half a cup of coffee, I dont know that I can explain my views on love this early in the day.
talkingpotato
Sep. 21st, 2005 09:06 pm (UTC)
"At some point I learned that it wasnt perfect, and it was somethhing you worked at, and most of all, something not to take for granted." <-- that sentence was beautiful. Very well put :-)
(no subject) - aubkabob - Sep. 15th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - talkingpotato - Sep. 15th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - May. 12th, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - talkingpotato - May. 13th, 2009 05:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Sep. 15th, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
belenen
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC)
in couples, isn't there ALWAYS one person that cares more than the other?

I used to believe that. But now I believe that Ben and I love each other equally -- it has to do with both of us giving, rather than one taking and the other giving. And if we can do it, so can others.
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 07:36 pm (UTC)
maybe i just need to find my 'fit'. and in the meantime, i shall continue to work on inner growth.
beccak1961
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:34 pm (UTC)
I believe in love. I believe in all sorts of love, love for friends, family, children, significant other, etc. I've been lucky to have loved and been loved back, by Jim, by my kids, so I guess in my case seeing it and living it makes a believer out of me.
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 08:47 pm (UTC)
i totally believe in love for family, friends, pets, especially with the relationships that i've cultivated with them over the last year. i guess at 31 and STILL single, and the only couple few 'relationships' i had were mostly one-sided and ended usually by them leaving me for another woman, i've become jaded in that aspect. maybe there's someone out there MEANT for me. maybe my 'fit' was struck by lightning and killed at age three. who knows?

maybe some guy will show up that will make me eat my words.
dbaxdevilsfan
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:40 pm (UTC)
Love.....to be willing to accept a person for what they are/what they look like.....to be willing to go above & beyond to make the other person happy.....to be willing to compromise with each other so you each get to do what you want (while also putting up with something you don't like).....respecting each other's space/privacy and yet being willing to share everything.

Do I believe in love? Yep. Probably because I have a relationship like I described above.
bigstusexy
Sep. 22nd, 2005 05:48 am (UTC)
I've got a problem with your definition, not that there is something wrong with it but I guess I'm searing to find that one thing or subset of things that differientate Whats in your definition from what I feel / do / act towards to the one I really Love.

I'm willing to do a lot of what you said for people I consider good friends. Like I know Aubkabob from here but we've never met and barring all things aside there is a lot I'd do or accept from her because I put her in that group. On top of that any decent person still get a good bit of those benifits.


So the question becomes just how do my actions differ to the one I love?

I'm sorry, this has like nothing to do with you really and now I've wasted your time and space with a usless reply... perhaps it could be a conversational pice if you get a loss of thought sometime.

excuse me.
Stu-
(no subject) - aubkabob - Sep. 15th, 2006 08:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bigstusexy - Sep. 17th, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Sep. 15th, 2006 08:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
johnkeats
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:40 pm (UTC)
I'm a romantic at heart so I believe in love. I
don't think everyone will find it but I do think
it exist. I've never been in a long term relationship
either. Its something I would not mind experiencing
some day but to be honest I'm not to worried about
it. I stressed about it a lot in my 20's and you
would think I would stress even more now that I'm
older but the reverse is true.
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)
it comes and goes for me. i go through periods (like now) where i can't feasibly see myself with another person, and i'm almost grateful for it. i'm too busy to give that kind of devotion, and i'm devoted to so many different things right now, with school, work, friends, band.

and then i go through periods where i look around me and realize that all of my greatest friends come in pairs: larrissa and ben, ashlee and drew, jessie and daniel, andrea and joel. not a single one of them have ever made me feel like the odd man out, which is fantastic, but sometimes when i see how happy they make each OTHER...

i guess if it happens, it happens. either way, i can always say that i lived my life for ME.
dive01265
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:40 pm (UTC)
I believe in love, it's probably 'cause I've found it with my secret b/f Scot, before, I didn't know if I believed in it, I've had some bad relationships, but I'm not against people who don't believe in love, it's up to them!
pentomino
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:43 pm (UTC)
Love is reciprocated obsession, maybe.

I believe in love the same way I believe in plutonium. It's certainly out there, but I've never really been near it.
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)
LMFAO, that's true on all counts. absolutely perfect analogy!
(no subject) - pentomino - Sep. 16th, 2006 06:03 am (UTC) - Expand
wallbrat
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
I believe in love. Perhaps that's because I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I've managed to retain that through years of failed relationships so I'm not complaining. *grins*

In 40 years I've had one relationship that I'd call serious and it lasted three years. When that ended it hurt like hell and my ability to trust was damaged but I never stopped believing in love. I'm not sure that I could explain why I believe in it. It's enough for me that I still do believe in it.

*bounces off to deal with the moronic twits*
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 08:57 pm (UTC)
i've still never had anything last past two months, usually just a month and a half. (except Mike in phoenix, where we just had a mutually exclusive sleeping together but no relationship relationship for about 8 months.)

i guess if it ever happens, it happens.

i just got your message, by the way, about just getting my message!! i really need to learn to keep my phone with me, dagnabbit! i'm so sorry that you went all the way out there! i'll make it up to you soon!
(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 09:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Tough call
love CAN be a weapon. i've seen too many people manipulate others with it. i guess i watch too much television and see too many plastic and evil relationships where the other person goes in 100% and comes out a depreciated, emaciated soul.

i'll just go on and live my life and should i ever come across a PARTNER to continue my life with, then so be it. if i don't, then dagnabbit, i have rechargeable batteries and great friends.
digbee
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
I believe in love, I have been with my boy for 14 years and I still wait by the door when he is late getting home. what can I say other than I love him.
aubkabob
Sep. 15th, 2006 09:00 pm (UTC)
that's so wonderful to read, thanks for bringing me a step closer to believing.
(no subject) - bombus - Sep. 15th, 2006 09:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
dbsquirrel
Sep. 21st, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
just because the love isnt mutual doesnt mean it doesn't exist...

and just because it fades away doesn't mean it was never there to begin with
bigstusexy
Sep. 22nd, 2005 06:07 am (UTC)
Wow, well put!
(no subject) - aubkabob - Sep. 15th, 2006 09:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
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