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adventures in public bathrooms, vol. I

within two days, i experienced the joys of sharing a public restroom with 4 year olds.

the first day, i was in michaels, and had to pee BADLY. so i raced in and went into the only available stall, tore my pants down and with a heavy sigh, plopped down to relieve myself. as i had entered the bathroom, i had seen a little 4 year oldish boy with spiderman shoes in the other stall, his nose pressed up against the crack to watch me come in.

after i started my stream of relief, i glanced over and saw the same spiderman shoes pressed against the wall of the stall next to me. as my eyes followed the logical line of his shoes, i saw a brown eye staring unblinking at me from the crack in between the stalls. i took a deep breath to say "EXCUSE ME!!!?!" right as the mother said "tommy! it is not nice to watch other people go to the bathroom!" "but WHYYYYY?!?" "it's just not polite! get over here!" "but MOOOOM!" "no buts, don't watch other people go to the bathroom!" "But WHY?!?" "because it's not polite!"

i hurried with my deed and left post haste.

the next day, i was between shifts in barnes and noble. i had just sat down to go, when a mom and 4 year oldish girl came in. unfortunately, my rear end took the opportunity to let loose with a passing of gas at the same moment they passed my stall. the daughter said "mom, what was that noise?" the mother replied "it was nothing, honey." to be truthful, it was more of a light "fluff!" than an all out "brrrrraaaaap!", so it wasn't overly noisy or grotesque. the daughter kept pressing the issue "but MOOOOM, what WAAAS it? what was that NOOOISE?!??" the mother replied "it was nothing, hun, pay no attention to it. just.. nevermind!" "but MOOOM, what was it?!? WHAT was IIIIT?!? what was that NOOOISE?!?" "nothing, honey, just nevermind, it isn't important." i could tell by the mother's voice that she was grinning from ear to ear as she spoke to her daughter.

i hurried with my deed and again left post haste.

oddly, this hasn't deterred me from using public bathrooms at all.

sleepy. the tooth whitening stuff i'm using causes my teeth to ACHE enough that the pain incorporated itself into my dreams last night. i feel that there's something else really important or exciting to tell you, but i cannot think of what that would be.

Comments

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pentomino
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC)
What was that noise? "I got soft serve ice cream!"
aubkabob
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:47 pm (UTC)
bah ha! that's hilarious!
jecook
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:44 pm (UTC)
Heh. Kids say (and do) the funniest things, sometimes. (this is in reference to the second episode, not the first, that's a bit rude, but I can see where he's coming from.)

aubkabob
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
lol i could see where he was coming from, too - the next stall!

i was just overly surprised that a four year old wouldn't understand WHY watching a complete stranger nekkid would be a wrong thing. course, it's been a long time since i thought like a 4 year old, too.

the closest i get to that is giggling heinously at double entendres and the word "duty" ("doodie".)
soulresilience
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)
Where I work we have a restroom that the whole building uses...so...three stalls to like 23423 women. So...passing gas or anything other than urination becomes incredibly difficult. It's a rare moment to get the restroom to yourself. I guess it's still not as bad as the bank where the restroom was in the lobby with the customers and had very good accoustics...as did the lobby. Need I say more?
aubkabob
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:50 pm (UTC)
the final building i worked in at the ice gallery had only 3 VERY tight stalls and fantastic acoustics, so i remember how we would joke about how we would make several trips to the bathroom to try to finally get the bathroom to ourselves to drop a few kids off at the pool, ifin you knowwhati'msayin...
(no subject) - forestdweller - Oct. 12th, 2005 09:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - soulresilience - Oct. 12th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - forestdweller - Oct. 12th, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - soulresilience - Oct. 12th, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - birdofparadox - Oct. 13th, 2005 01:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Oct. 19th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - soulresilience - Oct. 12th, 2005 09:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
botched_surgery
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:48 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA!!! That was hilarious!

Once, this woman had decided, for some reason, to bring her dog into the restroom instead of tying it outside. She and the dog were in the stall next to me. The dog kept poking his head from under the divider into my stall and started licking my ankles while I was trying to shit. That was awful.
aubkabob
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:51 pm (UTC)
BAH HA HA!!! that's the best story i heard all day, thank you :)
(no subject) - birdofparadox - Oct. 13th, 2005 01:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
beccak1961
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:49 pm (UTC)
I like the teeth whitening strips, but my teeth seemed really sensitive while I was using them.
aubkabob
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:52 pm (UTC)
i had read that your teeth would become a tad sensitive while using them, but SHEESH, i had no idea!

i've heard that if you pick up some toothpaste for sensitive teeth and use it right afterwards that it helps tremendously, so we'll see.
(no subject) - talkingpotato - Oct. 12th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Oct. 19th, 2006 09:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - talkingpotato - Oct. 19th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Jul. 13th, 2009 01:30 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - talkingpotato - Jul. 13th, 2009 06:56 am (UTC) - Expand
talkingpotato
Oct. 12th, 2005 10:03 pm (UTC)
AHHAAHHAHAHAHA this post made me laugh- too funny!
Pretty interesting when the mom has to explain why people don't watch other people go to the bathroom. That's a question I often ponder too.
soulresilience
Oct. 12th, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, we know all about you and your bathroom fixations. Let's not get started there.
(no subject) - talkingpotato - Oct. 12th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - soulresilience - Oct. 12th, 2005 10:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - talkingpotato - Oct. 12th, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - soulresilience - Oct. 12th, 2005 10:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
aubkabob
Oct. 19th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)
Re: *LOL*
hee hee sound off ;) because i spend so little time at home and thusly so much time doing doodie in public stalls, i've gotten over it. hell, if someone gets hung up because they hear plopping or foofing noises, it's THEIR problem. we all have biological functions. ;)

i came across a card you sent me YEARS ago, of a drawing you did of rinoa that you had done in school or something! you had signed it with bright pink ink. it was stuffed in a music theory book i had checked out from the phoenix library back in late 2001/early 2002.
ohsaycanyousay
Oct. 12th, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC)
I find it odd that the best explanation she could give her son is that it just isn't polite. Even if manners aren't an issue, who wants to watch someone else take a leak or cut a log?

And speaking of using public washrooms, I initially read the Guide for Taking a Dump at Work while I was working in an office building and I couldn't stop giggling as I sat at my desk and read it. I seriously contemplated printing it out and taping it to the bathroom door, but I thought that might not go over well with all the bureaucrats I worked with.
ohsaycanyousay
Oct. 12th, 2005 10:55 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, and I just remembered: when I was shopping last week I went into a public restroom that reeked SO BAD! You could tell that the woman in the first stall had been there a while and was probably the culprit. I went to the farthest stall to avoid the nastiness as best I could. Then a woman came in with her little boy, and the kid promptly shouted, "EW IT STINKS IN HERE!" I felt a little bit bad for the little old lady taking the dump.
(no subject) - belenen - Oct. 21st, 2005 12:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Oct. 19th, 2006 09:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Oct. 19th, 2006 09:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
greenminions
Oct. 12th, 2005 11:50 pm (UTC)
I always give parents the meanest looks when their kids do crap like this. Or I try to use a very annoyed sounding voice. I have a sick fascination when parents correct their kids in situations like these.
aubkabob
Oct. 19th, 2006 09:09 pm (UTC)
and hopefully the parents DO correct their kids. eesh, parenting skills out there nowadays.
oh_flounder
Oct. 12th, 2005 11:57 pm (UTC)
"i was between shifts in barnes and noble."

im twelve ? and saw a typo where there wasnt one and brought ben out because of my loud laughing/still-sick-so-theres-coughing-too sounds. =D

AND DONT WHITEN YOUR TEETh cus its bad yo, the PAIN. i cant bring myself to do it to my own espresso/pot enamel stains

damn little boys like that need immoliation of some sort.
aubkabob
Oct. 19th, 2006 09:10 pm (UTC)
i remember ben saying that he had used almost a whole box of the stuff to hurry and do the whitening all at once. he's a trooper.

hee hee shits barnes & noble... lawd knows there's been lots!
faetal
Oct. 13th, 2005 12:33 am (UTC)
not related!!!
I made you a bear hat, from that red fabric that you bought for me to make you a bear hat from.
um yep

its sorta really adorable too, i'll post pictures later.
aubkabob
Oct. 19th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
Re: not related!!!
ooh, yay, i forgot that it's bear hat wearing season now again! woo!
poptopia
Oct. 13th, 2005 01:14 am (UTC)
Hilarious story!
dbaxdevilsfan
Oct. 13th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC)
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes me want to break out this icon for ya:

aubkabob
Oct. 19th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
excellent!!! ha ha break out. you punster!
macmanchad
Oct. 13th, 2005 06:12 am (UTC)
Get some fluoride mouthwash, like ACT brand, and use it right after you remove your tooth whitener.
aubkabob
Oct. 19th, 2006 09:12 pm (UTC)
thank you so much for the tip! i just need to remember to DO the whitening. even though it's sitting here on my desk, i never remember i have the stuff unless i'm doing activities that are not doable with teeth whitening, i.e. drinking coffee.
aintesduck
Oct. 13th, 2005 01:56 pm (UTC)
Bathrooms have been a topic much on my mind at work lately; specifically, since literally 4/5ths of the building has now been either downsized or transferred to other locations, so that there's only maybe eight guys left in the building, how come the bathrooms are still just as disgusting as when there were 40 or 50 guys working here?!?!
aubkabob
Oct. 19th, 2006 09:13 pm (UTC)
i noticed something like that when we had like 10 people quit or get fired - the break room was still just as disgusting, if not worse. it's like they weeded out all the people that would actually clean up after themselves.
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