Ticklebuddy Wonderpoo (aubkabob) wrote,
Ticklebuddy Wonderpoo

crossposted in .. other places

i was talking with some people lately about birthdays. i remember how difficult my 25th birthday was, how i begun to freak out: i was officially an adult, and is this where i saw myself as an adult? why am i not a rock star? why am i not fabulous and living in new york city? why am i working in property management in phoenix of all places? i mean, sure, i have a nice car and good friends and live by myself, but GEEZ. i'm not skinny! i'm not successful! and oh my LANTA, i need to start planning for future wrinkles! after sitting at a happy hour after work one day near to my birthday, i remember frantically racing across the street to wal*mart to buy oil of olay, hair color, and anti-wrinkle under eye cream.

i had figured that my 30th birthday would have been much worse, but oddly... no.

i was the first (by far) of all of my local friends to hit the big three-oh. i had a slight inner panic that suddenly they would feel that i wasn't cool anymore, that i was too old for their crowd, and leave me behind. but only for a moment, mind you.

my thirtieth birthday came and went, and an odd thing happened: i almost immediately felt more comfortable in my skin, more confident in who i was and what i wanted to become. i mean, not IMMENSELY more confident, but the weird anxiety about my future sort of disappeared. i decided what i wanted to be when i grew up and have been preparing to go back to school for it.

and in talking with my friends that were also over 25, we all realized that 25 seemed to be a nice landmark age for us, that things began to change. we didn't go out five nights a week anymore. we began to do weird things like stay home on work nights, and spend money a bit more responsibly. it seemed like turning 25 had suddenly officially turned us into adults, not post teens, which it had seemed like we had been before that.

in retrospect, i find it almost silly that i panicked so much about my 25th birthday, and amazed at myself that so little anxiety was involved at turning 30. i mean to look at it on paper: 30 years old, living with a roommate. no car. working retail. haven't played my guitar in MONTHS.

but no, i almost immediately felt better about everything, as if the big weight of my twenties had been lifted off my shoulders.

have any of you felt the same way? what would you feel have been your big landmark birthdays?

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