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Apr. 21st, 2006

finally home from work. today sucked. i kept thinking about death and loss and how much i wish i could be there for my brother. my brother had been a supervisor there up until recently. if he hadn't left, or if he had gone back to work there instead of Ross, he might have been there when it happened. he might have had to watch her die.

it could have been HIM.

he had said i had met her a couple of times. when i saw the picture, i.... if i'm correct, I SAT NEXT TO HER ON THE FREAKING BUS when she was on her way to work. i remember looking at her, thinking she looked familiar, and thinking she was preciously cute. i had noticed that she got off at the intersection where - in hindsight - you would get off the bus to go to mcdonalds. God, to know that i had been looking at her, admiring her.... and that she was MURDERED just a couple of hours later.... was her hair long enough for a ponytail? did she have a lip piercing? Maybe i'm confused. KGW.com had a pic of her from her myspace, and it looks EXACTLY like the girl i had seen, but with shorter hair. and myspace isn't freaking letting me browse for her.

God, i can't even handle this, and i didn't even KNOW her, really.

The murderer was a registered sex offender. i have seen him before. where? don't know, but i DO know that his last known address is two blocks from my house.

I thought about how close my work is to the mcdonalds (a block), and what it would morbidly be like to be working, have a guy walk in casually, bury a knife into my chest, and calmly walk out. would i scream? would i be able to? how would i deal with a coworker laying on the floor like that? my thoughts went much deeper and darker than that, but i shall spare you from them.

and her FAMILY... what a horrifying loss. i wish.... God, i don't know what i wish.

and now my eyes burn from crying and the idiocy i had of rubbing my eyes a bit after putting lotion on my fingers.

i'm going to bed.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 22nd, 2006 11:28 am (UTC)
Heavy. Yeah, it gets weird when you start thinking about stuff like that. I never really thought about death, not seriously, before last spring. Now... like I said, sometimes it gets weird.
Nov. 11th, 2006 08:22 am (UTC)
i used to daydream about it a LOT while in my depression in phoenix, like how long it would take for someone to find my body, would i be naked? and other such things.
Apr. 22nd, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)
i get you
i hate people too. but then there's that little something inside all of us meant for loving. some people, like the murderer, choose to not let that part of them shine. and i pray for those people. but for others that want to be loved and love in return, i give 'em what they want.

hate can't beat love. love always perseveres...hands down.
Nov. 11th, 2006 08:22 am (UTC)
Re: i get you
i totally agree with you, my dear. thank you for this.
Apr. 22nd, 2006 06:48 pm (UTC)
sex offenders should be in jail forever. they tend to go out and do the same thing once they are released. its ridiculous.

:( its so sad that happened to her
Nov. 11th, 2006 08:23 am (UTC)
exactly. you would think that we would have learned by now.
Apr. 22nd, 2006 08:52 pm (UTC)
:-( This makes me cry, how terribly awful and scary for her. I'm always so frightened of that happening either to me or my family, some lunatic just going ballistic.

I'm so sorry for her family, what a tragedy her life was cut so short by someone elses insanity and cruelty.
Apr. 22nd, 2006 08:55 pm (UTC)
anon commentor was me
I thought I was logged in (I was reading locked posts on my buds page) but I guess when I commented it logged me out.
Nov. 11th, 2006 08:24 am (UTC)
Re: anon commentor was me
me, too. the area had a bunch of benefit concerts and other things, and i believe that the mcdonalds that she worked at raised something like $160,000 for her family.
Apr. 23rd, 2006 03:16 am (UTC)
Death is such a horrible thing. It's heartbreaking and rips you apart and it's basically pure hell to deal with. I wish I had the words to help you, but sadly, I don't. But I am thinking of you and her family and friends.
Nov. 11th, 2006 08:26 am (UTC)
thank you, my dear. i couldn't believe how much her death affected me, when i had only met her once and had sat next to her on the bus on the way to work that day.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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