guess not LOL

hee hee, why, what do you want to ask me? ;) my email is always open, should you wish to ask something private!

What was your first memory?

i remember being two or three, and i was at my dad's. he would always stand on the porch and watch me ride my bike. one day, he said he didn't feel like watching, and i told him that if he didn't watch me, that i would fall, that him watching me kept me safe. he said i would be fine, and i went outside to ride my bike... almost instantly falling off and gashing my eyelid open. i still have a faint scar above one of my eyes that is generally not noticeable unless i'm wearing a certain color of eyeshadow.

What was your most embarassing moment?

to me, there is a difference - a BIG one - between most embarrassing and most humiliating. since you asked embarassing...

the first thing that popped into my head was when i was living in phoenix and had done the Christmas cd for benefit in June. in december at the Christmas party, they asked us to perform the songs we had done for the cd, mine being "jingle bell rock". now, i had never known the words to the song until they had asked me to do it, and as it was done in june...

i ended up on a giant stage swathed in bright lights, dancing an idiotic jig in front of a couple hundred people because i couldn't remember the words. i realized afterwards that not only was THAT embarassing under normal circumstances, but that there was also a stain on my dress right in the crotch area that would only show up under - you guessed it - bright lights. (the stain being about the size of a large grapefruit.)

What are your biggest pet peeves?

as far as customers go, people that talk on their phone during a transaction at my register. i don't care what's going on, it's freaking RUDE, so don't do it. people that are astounded that i do need a driver's license for a check. people that walk around their freaking cart to leave, but leave the cart there, blatantly in everyone else's way. people that shove their i.d. directly under my nose when there is no way on God's Green Earth that i can see that close. but um, mainly the phone thing.

as far as outside work.... disrespectful people in general. i know that's pretty broad, but i'm saying, for example, people that just have zero manners or no common sense in the manner category. i.e. people that cut in line. people that never look at crosswalks. people that have no sense of personal space. people that belch or cough or sneeze without covering their noses/faces/whathaveyous. (which brings to mind a customer that handed me his credit card with a GIANT VERY WET, very open-mouthed belch.)

What are your biggest fears?

dying alone and unknown, though that's a pretty common one. something happening to someone i care very deep about, and having been able to personally thwart it, but because i was lazy or whatnot... i'm afraid of people thinking i'm a fraud, a flake, a fatty. pretty much most fears that people have. a fear of alienating everyone.

What was your worst nightmare?

during my teenagehood, i had constant nightmares of the world ending, usually by nuclear distruction. it became almost an obsession, and i learned as much as i could about it (and scared the bejeebers out of my science class with an oral speach about the psychological effects of nuclear warfare...). that's my nightmare in slumberland. actual awake-land? i guess my drug induced date rape and the anguish that came with that, all of the denial i went through, the deep depression, the almost-suicide.

What was one of your happiest moments?

i've thankfully had quite a few of these over the last couple of years. i find a lot of joy in things around me and in my friends.

although i don't feel that i'm overly a religious person today, i remember when i was baptized as an adult, and how i felt so.. pure.. and clean...

i love that i can take a look around me now and feel beyond blessed with the life i have been given. i have such a wonderful supportive circle of quality friends. although i work retail, i love my coworkers and my managers are willing to work around my schedule. i love my band and being IN a band. it's weird that at 31, i'm living the life that i always dreamed of living when i was 21. although it's stressful, school is presenting a wonderful challenge that makes me happy, too. so, i guess life makes me happy?

What's the craziest thing you have ever done?

it's weird that so many of my biggest life decisions have been made split-second.

i was 18, and had dropped out of high school to work full time at Wendy's. i had no desire to ever go back to school, and just wanted to hang out with my friends, drink a lot, smoke a lot of pot, listen to music and daydream of being a rock star. one night after work, we all sat around Denny's at four in the morning drinking coffee. two of my coworkers discussed job corps and how they missed it and considered going back. i started asking a couple of questions, and woke up at 8 am that morning to go sign up for job corps. i had never been away from my closest family (mom and bro) for more than a month EVER. it was so very random and .. CRAZY.. to just DO it. i signed up and was on a bus two and a half weeks later. absolutely bar none, THEE best decision i ever made. all of my friends from high school that didn't leave are all recovering (in good cases) meth heads with several children, living on welfare after failed marriages. it gave me confidence in myself (i was so painfully shy in high school, which is one of the biggest deciding factors for dropping out), and while there, i got my GED, then high school diploma, my drivers license, was elected student council president, was involved in a gazillion different activites, etc.

i remember sitting on the greyhound bus on the way there, and thinking "wow. this is it. my life is truly starting RIGHT NOW. i'm going where no one knows me. i can be whomever or whatever i want to be." i changed my name (i told everyone to call me Alix, which is what i was called for almost 3 years) and grew so much.

my other split-second decision (well, two-week split second decision) was back in april of 2003, where my 8 year stint in phoenix seemed to come full circle, and someone tossed out "why don't you move back up to washington state to live with your mom and brother?" it was agonizing (if you are ever REALLY bored, you can go back and read all of my entries in april of 2003), and felt oh so wrong at the time, but i also remember feeling as if it was something i HAD to do. so i did. and i'm so much more for doing it today.

i'm totally going to keep my eyes/ears peeled for this one. for some reason, the only person that keeps popping into my head is Min from the Wheel of Time series. she's boyish with short cropped dark hair, and is mostly very independent with special distinct gifts. towards the end of the series, she falls in love with someone, and makes tiny changes to impress him (i.e. wearing tight pants to show off her 'ass'ets), yet works to remain true to herself.

but i think that pops in my head mainly because that's the series i'm reading right now. i'm also quite like hermione granger in school, i constantly feel like i need to work to know the answer to everything the teacher may ask (and generally DO have the answer)... in fact, i have to fight to not blurt out the answer to every single thing asked, while the inner me is waggling my arm high in the air, begging to be called on.

but i shall keep my eyes/ears peeled to see if i can see anyone else that i feel connected with in that manner. i'm also curious as to what characters other people feel that i am most like (as i generally don't read much outside of the fantasy genre.) for example, someone in my improv class came up to me and said that she was reading the devil wears prada, and that because of my demeanor, that she couldn't picture a single other person in the place of the roommate, other than me. (makes me want to read it!)

Am not answering for her... just had to tell you... I DIG YOUR ICON! psssssst... can I steal it? With credit of course.

Wow, I had never heard of such a thing! I googled it and read up on it - I think that maybe I am. I kind of always credited it to the fact that I never "settled down and had children" or somesuch. I mean, I no longer carry my pink Sailor Moon lunch pail as a purse, so I've moved on in some aspects, but.... *shrug*