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in talking to idioscosmos about bathroom etiquette and such, it reminded me of when i was getting a pap smear, all up in the stirrups, nekkid from the waist down, and:

- one time, my VERY gay doctor exclaimed "OH MY GAW. DR. MARTEN MARY JANES?!? how DID you find those? ooh, do you wear them with little anklets turned down with ruffles along the edges? that would be so CUTE! hey, jim, come check out this girl's mary janes!" (uh, can you pull down the tent there first, hun?)

- another time, a different doctor, upon discovering that i was a travel agent (at the time), wanted to discuss in depth the possibility of booking a cruise to Alaska. i'm sorry, i'm open, but not for business.

and, going back to the bathroom thing, he had mentioned small children and embarassment in the stalls, which reminded me of:

- one time, while working at michaels, i plopped down wearily on the toilet seat, relaxed, and started to go. i then noticed a pair of tiny spiderman sneakers sticking under my stall, and pointed in my direction. i followed the sneakers up the wall to see a giant eye staring at me through the crack between the stall. As i took a deep breath to say something, the mom yoinked him back from the crack, telling him it was rude and that he shouldn't do that. "but why not?" "because."

- another time, only a week or so later, i fluffed in the barnes & noble bathroom as i had started to tinkle. a little girl in the stall next to me with her mommy asked instantly "what was that?" "nothing, hun." "what was that noise?" "nothing! nevermind!" "but what WAS it?!?" i tried to curl in on myself and disappear as the mother tried frantically to NOT outright laugh and to get her daughter to drop the subject. the daughter, seeing her mother silently laughing, kept up on the questioning. in retrospect, i almost wish i would have yelled "I FARTED. IT WAS A FART, OKAY?"

i'm sure a lot of you that have been on my friends list for quite some time will remember reading these stories when they originally happened. i just wanted to share once again how my life is...


( 39 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 7th, 2006 12:36 am (UTC)
hahahah, those are great.
Jul. 7th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC)
Nice doctors! I had a 2nd pap smear (always a little nerve wracking) and I had a dr just casually say I probably have HPV. I don't. But, how about we don't casually tell say I have STD's, huh? I think a dr is just a little jaded if they forgot how to explain to someone that they have a disease that isn't going away.
Jul. 7th, 2006 12:50 am (UTC)
that reminds me of when i was in job corps in st. paul, mn, and having severe joint issues, especially from the waist down. the doctor on duty, casually said "you have the antibodies present in lupis. take 3 advil a day.", but didn't tell me what the hell lupis was. when i looked it up, i was in a panic, as it can eventually KILL.

yeah. years later, and i'm fine.
Jul. 7th, 2006 01:24 am (UTC)
Way too funny stuff! :)
Jul. 7th, 2006 01:40 am (UTC)
when i fart in the bathroom, i flush the toilet at the same time. two-fold reason: 1. it helps whisk away the scent; 2. it makes a noise louder than my farts, usually. It's awesomeness in a swirl!

that's funny stuff there.
Jul. 7th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC)
Re: lol
that would be a great idea if not for two reasons:

1. surprise fluffs
2. toilets that spit up too much when they flush, if you catch my meaning.
Re: lol - hottergirl01 - Jul. 7th, 2006 04:39 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: lol - aubkabob - Aug. 27th, 2007 12:48 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: lol - hottergirl01 - Aug. 27th, 2007 02:38 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 7th, 2006 05:18 am (UTC)
Voice from your pas
Hi there, I know you probably don't remember me, but I looked and looked for your link in my emails until I found it. I wanted to know where in the world you were and how you are doing. This is Ericka, I think you still have my email. I will hopefully talk to you later.

Please take care.
Jul. 7th, 2006 05:59 am (UTC)
Re: Voice from your pas
ERICKA!! every time i try to email you, it bounces back - believe me, i've tried!!! email me at aubkabob@comcast.net, missy!

i miss you!
Jul. 7th, 2006 05:19 am (UTC)
Voice from your past
Hi there, I know you probably don't remember me, but I looked and looked for your link in my emails until I found it. I wanted to know where in the world you were and how you are doing. This is Ericka, I think you still have my email. I will hopefully talk to you later.

Please take care.
Jul. 7th, 2006 05:47 am (UTC)
Your stories never fail to make me giggle, especially the Doc Marten story..
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:17 am (UTC)
I am to please and always appreciate the response when I tell what others feel is a good story!
Jul. 7th, 2006 06:58 am (UTC)
You want your potty story topped, you say? I believe can do it!

Picture it... you're in the girls room at a sci-fi kinda convention thing. Yes, I AM a nerd. In the next stall? An author you have read and admired. Both of you are crapping your brains out and it's not pretty. She, I believe, had some sort of bug... I had just eaten the wrong thing at the con. *DIES*
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:16 am (UTC)
OMG PRICELESS!!! Do I get a hint as to who the author was? Best story evur.

I've always wanted to check stuff like that out, but never really had anyone that would want to do stuff like that with me! I'm too shy and socially awkward to figure it out on my own, of course!
Jul. 7th, 2006 11:41 am (UTC)
Ha ha ha! The worst I've had at work is someone saw me in my Michaels smock going into the stall, and was trying to ask me questions while I peed. Gahds, I was annoyed!
Jul. 7th, 2006 01:37 pm (UTC)
Yep, I do remember reading those prior to this. That gyno stuff though takes the cake!
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:14 am (UTC)
I do miss those doctors. The first doctor.. I stopped seeing him because he wasn't available once when I needed him, and I couldn't wait, which is how I got the second doctor. The second doctor died about a year and a half later, unfortunately, which is when I got Dr. Easley, who is still to this day MY FAVORITEST DOCTOR EVUR OMGZ. Unfortunately, I had to stop seeing him when my work in Phoenix changed medical carriers, and now I'm half a country away, so....

Makes me hope that I can find a gay clinic here, too. Though I'm quite hetero, (most days! ha!) it was still by far the best doctors and clinic experiences I've had.
Jul. 7th, 2006 03:10 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry but I can't hslep to chuckle, I know how you must have flet at the time put please tell me that you feel differnt and can laugh at it now.

We guys are quite different, not only do we usually not have kids of the opposit sex in the bathroom but we let things go all the time all over the place. We are probably the reason the rule of thumb about farting in an elevator is true.

However yeah we would probably not be too please in a situation like the doctor ones.

I could go on and on about topics but my better sense is tilling me to shut up.

So... bye :)
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:12 am (UTC)
Ha! And which rule of thumb is that?

I've obtained so much gas over the years from eating weird things, so I've perfected the art of letting things go in an inconspicuous manner. Granted, I don't THINK anything smells, usually. When they do, though...

Why I'm telling you this is beyond me. I'm all about sharing bodily function stories, but usually with the same sex!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Apr. 23rd, 2007 01:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bigstusexy - Apr. 25th, 2007 11:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Aug. 27th, 2007 12:49 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 7th, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC)
i'm all for telling kids the facts about bathroom usage. it's stupid to tell them "it's nothing". unfortunately i'm usually too into my own bodily process when i hear such exchanges, though i do usually say "could you not be rude and not stare at me while i'm on the toilet? thanks, kid" or something along those lines if i notice a spying bastard. if they dawdle a contorted kick usually goes their way. enough to sting, not enough to cripple. >:[
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:11 am (UTC)
I had taken a breath to tell the kid to go away when the mom had responded, but sheesh.

Makes me wonder what he'll be like as an adult if he doesn't break himself of these habits early on ;)
Jul. 7th, 2006 07:23 pm (UTC)
*LMAO* Yeah...gotta love embarassment at touchy moments. *hee hee*
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:10 am (UTC)
I seem to have WAY too many stories about me and my nonny.
Jul. 8th, 2006 12:45 am (UTC)
One thing that spending a lot of time in hospitals lately has taught us is that doctors don't even notice if you're half nekkid, using a bedpan, and bleeding like a stuck pig; they'll carry on a conversation with you like nothing is going on anyway.
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:09 am (UTC)
I guess that's all part and par of the trade! If I ever become a doctor or nurse, I'm quite certain I'll do the same.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 23rd, 2007 02:08 am (UTC)
Re: Dr Marten Mary Janes? Oooooh, Jealousy!
I really miss them, I do! I think I left them on a Carnival cruise ship on a vacation I took ages ago. Maybe one day, I'll pick up another pair! Those were the only shoes that lasted me for YEARS, though I wore them almost daily.
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