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back to school season is beginning its full swing. during this season, we get a case of the crazies and weird clientele that normally do not shop at officemax. we also get a string of idiot theives. a couple of my favorite old stupid theif stories:

- a guy stole a norton antivirus and the assistant manager followed him down the street and caught him hiding behind some bushes in a car lot. he said "sir. i SEE you. so did our cameras. so why don't you save us all a bunch of stress and heartache and hand the software over so we don't have to get the police involved." he forked it over. (we also have zero security cameras, by the way.)

- a car salesman was in making a ruckus about dumb things (car salesmen are the WORST clientele, under only doctors, i think.) he wanted to bargain and barter for prices (hi. this is officemax, not a car lot, it doesn't work that way here.) he was a jerk the whole time and then had the audacity to hand me a business card and tell me to look him up if i want to buy. during the whole ruckus, he ate a king size reeses peanut butter cup and ditched the wrapping, which management found about an hour after he left. i chimed in "OOH OOH I KNOW WHO DID THAT!" the store manager took his business card and called him, telling him to come pay for the candy bar, otherwise he would prosecute him to the full extent of the law for theft.

other people i've had recently:

- we have these impulse buy items at the registers that you stick on your dashboard of your car, are somewhat sticky, and will hold your cell phone and other items so they're close at hand and don't fly all over the place. five million people, give or take, manhandle these every single freaking day as they're checking out, which means that they're not overly sticky. and since i'm about the only employee that ever washes them.... an insurance sales guy that was being a jerk to me the entire transaction put his cell phone on the display where it says 'test here' and promptly picked up the cardboard display, gave me a dirty look, and flipped it over, causing his cell phone to fall onto the counter. "it doesn't work." he said snarkily. i replied "sir, if your driving is such that your dashboard does THAT, i think you have bigger concerns than whether or not your cell phone is in place." he shut up, glared at me, snatched his business card from me and left. fine, i don't have a car anyway, and if i did, why would i want to pay YOU and your jerk ass for insurance?

we're also starting to get the paranoid picky people in that normally only shop there this time of year. the people that constantly accuse you of not being intelligent enough to bag their items. the people that quite rudely insist you double bag. the people that hold their merchandise tightly against their chest and glare at you as they hand you one thing at a time, watching the screen suspiciously to make sure it rings up correctly, and take it out on YOU because YOU PERSONALLY caused that to ring up ten cents more. the people that come in during our busiest time of the day, ask for five hundred pieces of furniture, and then get irate because it's not up at the register in five minutes or less. the people that swear they've purchased something there every single year and can't find it (as this is my fourth back to school, i can vouch for the fact that we have NEVER carried that item.) so they're going to go to STAPLES. (these people always say it loudly and then pause to gauge your reaction as if threatening to go to a competitor magically opens up more merchandise for them to choose from. "well, gee, since you said you'd go to depot, i guess i can show you my horde of peechees in the back!")

TEN DAYS UNTIL MY THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY. freaking woo. the only other job i've ever worked at longer than this was the I.C.E. Gallery in phoenix (international cruise and excursion gallery for those of you that haven't been around since my phoenix days.)

my head is killing me, but i must go to work, alas.

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( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
sweet_tiff4prez
Aug. 8th, 2006 08:09 pm (UTC)
lol this all reminds me of the time i worked at sams club 2 summers ago.
I had some rude customers that would get pissed if the item didnt come out the same price it said on the shelf.
If items cost more than 1000..might be 500 I forget, i would have to ring one of the managers to approve it and sign for it. They would get anxious and ask why its taken so long for the managers to come.

This one lady bitched out one of the managers because she couldnt approve her checks because it had someone elses name on it LOL. when they give out checks that are over 500 or 1000 dollars they have to show their ids and it has to match the name of the check.

She insisted it was her companys but nope we couldnt approve it. Got mad and said our service sux and that she will never go to sams club again.
aubkabob
Aug. 8th, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
the things that piss our customers off most (though not as much as when i first started working there) is that we definitely need an i.d. for every single check, even if it's fifty cents, and we need a physical address, not a p.o. box, and if it's a business check, we need to copy EVERYTHING down from their id and have proof that they work for the business, i.e. a check stub. i can't count how many people have freaked out on me because i'm taking a business check and then not only write their drivers license number and exp date down, but their full name, their physical address, and then ask for their home phone too. reason we do this? because if the check IS stolen, or the check IS bad, we go for the person WRITING the check, not just the business.
(no subject) - sircaliban - Aug. 8th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - May. 4th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC) - Expand
dbaxdevilsfan
Aug. 8th, 2006 08:11 pm (UTC)
OMG you get some retarded customers. That said, you should cross-post this to customers_suck!
asillittle
Aug. 8th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
Do you know if the guy ever came back and paid for the candy bar? I love those sticky pad things! lol I bought one recently because I'm always tossing my cell and glasses (when i switch to prescription sunglasses) and knowing where they are makes it easier to locate them.
aubkabob
Jan. 9th, 2009 08:04 am (UTC)
I remember hoping to GAWD that I wasn't there when he came back, as he was such an ass when he was there that I knew he would make my life miserable the entire time he was there.

Everything at my work is oh so much more laid back now than it was.
yoko
Aug. 8th, 2006 09:09 pm (UTC)
Your comment to the insurance guy was classic. Love it.
aubkabob
Jan. 9th, 2009 08:05 am (UTC)
And although this response is waaaay beyond belated, the insurance sales situation is one of my favorite work stories to tell to this day.
sircaliban
Aug. 8th, 2006 09:41 pm (UTC)
I don't think I could work in retail.
aubkabob
Jan. 9th, 2009 08:06 am (UTC)
I would rather work an eternity in retail than have to ever work fast food again.
botched_surgery
Aug. 8th, 2006 10:08 pm (UTC)
I'd have to rank attorneys up there with doctors and car salesman. They pick apart every damn thing, and EVERYTHING has to be in writing. I can't stand them as clients.
aubkabob
Jan. 9th, 2009 08:07 am (UTC)
Thankfully, we don't get very many of them that we know of. If law firms here are like the one I worked at in Phoenix, they (thankfully) do all their supply orders via catalog.
gldngrrl
Aug. 8th, 2006 10:44 pm (UTC)
oh baby...
My heart goes out to you. Truly. I have also done my time in retail hell (everything from fabric in a fabric store to .... fabric at a Walmart...to fast food-same asshole people)

Anyhow. I have to say in many ways, while you still seem to come across the same type of people in the hospital... as a nurse you have a bit more power... and access to sharp objects :P---that gives me some comfort.
aubkabob
Jan. 9th, 2009 08:09 am (UTC)
Re: oh baby...
I would rather work an eternity in retail than to ever have to deal with fast food customers again. I never understood why on earth people feel so justified in making workers so freaking miserable over a 99 cent cheeseburger.
Re: oh baby... - aubkabob - Aug. 25th, 2014 06:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
onionsniper
Aug. 9th, 2006 12:17 am (UTC)
omg that auto mall should have a cop assigned full time to watch the salesmen. When Sage worked at Value Village like 10 years ago one of the salesmen from that auto mall came in, took a red dress into a dressing room, ejaculated all over it, then ran out real fast like the employees wouldn't know who'd done it... true story.
also good for you for standing up to cell phone sticky douche guy!

do you think you and/or your bro can make it out to my cousin's house in Salmon Creek on sat night for teh partying? I miss you guys tons.
aubkabob
May. 4th, 2009 02:33 am (UTC)
Never trust a car salesman, I say! I sort of hit it off with a man at a party recently, and found out way later in the evening that he was a car salesman. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he got uber creepy the drunker he became.
cursedslytherin
Aug. 9th, 2006 04:43 am (UTC)
Sooo you're saying that when I come in this week I shouldn't ask for a certain type of Purple pens, then say that they're not the same ones I've been getting for fifteen years because even though the ink is the same, the brand is the same, and even the PRICE is the same, but because the design of the pen itself has been upgraded to match the times then it is, in fact, NOT the same pens, and I'd like the purple pens from 1990?

And I shouldn't hold my brown paper bag until after you've completed the transaction and handed me the receipt?

And I shouldn't try to stuff a shredder in the bag, then complain that the shoddy craftsmenship of the brown paper bag is to blame for it not stretching around the shredder?

And what about keeping the bag? Can I keep the bag even though the fine print says otherwise? Because you know, the fine print isn't always that Fine.

How bout if I bring my 3-year old nephew into the store and ask him to sit in the furniture pad while Auntie Jules does her back to school shopping for a half hour?

Or wait!!! I'll bring in a reaaallly big, half empty and completely conspicuous purse with me, and try to leave with it stuffed to the brim.

I won't even tell you what stunts I'll try to pull at PDS. ^_~

OK, serious question: When are you working this week?
aubkabob
Aug. 9th, 2006 05:07 am (UTC)
ooh, i had a five year old poop his pants at my register today!

i work friday 11 - 5, saturday 1 - close.
(no subject) - cursedslytherin - Aug. 9th, 2006 06:02 am (UTC) - Expand
view_from_here
Aug. 9th, 2006 02:35 pm (UTC)
I want your job.
aubkabob
Jan. 9th, 2009 08:10 am (UTC)
Things there are so much more milder these days, which doesn't make for nearly as many interesting stories.
(no subject) - view_from_here - Jan. 9th, 2009 08:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Jan. 9th, 2009 08:15 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - view_from_here - Jan. 9th, 2009 08:15 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - Jan. 9th, 2009 08:16 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - view_from_here - Jan. 9th, 2009 08:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aubkabob - May. 4th, 2009 02:33 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - view_from_here - May. 4th, 2009 03:01 am (UTC) - Expand
kateri_kachina
Aug. 9th, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
Wow! And I thought the people I had to work with (clients) were idiots. At least it provides a little entertainment from time to time. :) Hope you feel better!
aubkabob
Jan. 9th, 2009 08:10 am (UTC)
Even having dealt with absolute jerk idiots in my past, I'm thankful that I had to in a way, as it's given me some interesting conversational stories to have as well as helped me to appreciate the good ones!
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )

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