Ticklebuddy Wonderpoo (aubkabob) wrote,
Ticklebuddy Wonderpoo
aubkabob

a dream that i was underneath a naked woman saying something that i can't repeat

I had decided before my birthday that this would be the year of self discovery. I feel that in the rigorous day to day monotonies, I have lost a bit of myself and wish to rediscover who I am and what I'm destined to become. Or, if you don't believe in destiny, who I really am inside.

So very tempting to go out and chop all my hair off short and spikey again, kind of a way to release myself from my old self and begin the journey to self discovery. I love how FREE I feel after chopping all my hair off, but hate how... masculine I feel.

Have been sleeping REALLY WELL lately, which is awesome. I had been having so many bad dreams for so long.... lately my dreams have been filled with fun and good symbolism: hanging out with John Wayne, painting the outside of a house and touching up the inside paint (dark burgundy outside and a forest green that had become chipped and peeled on the inside), having sex with Kevin Griffin (Better Than Ezra) only to stop and say "wait! I need to go color.", watching people play with Christmas ornaments.

Work?... ugh. I left for my vacation (which didn't feel like one because every day but one was taken up by... something...) feeling content as to who I was and where I was in my work place. I returned yesterday... feeling tired. I suddenly FELT, for the first time, that I am really and truly THIRTY TWO YEARS OLD and working retail, with no end in sight. Yes, yes, I'm in college, but I have probably about eight years ahead of me in order to obtain my goals.

Shrug.

Edit: in my absence and self-absorbedness when it comes to eljay lately, I'm surprised as hell to see i was only deleted by two people out of over six hundred. Thank you all for sticking by me all this time. I hearts you.
Tags: self discovery
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