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Much news to share, and plenty to fill you in about my Day o'Shit, but I shall start with the story of the head spider, which sort of leads in to today.

I leave for work at 530am, sometimes 630am, for work, depending upon when I start (6 or 7). Either way, it's pitch black outside when I leave. There is a gap in the fence behind our apartment complex. If I cut through this gap, I effectively shave ten minutes off of my half hour walk to work.

This short cut has been completely uneventful, except for the one morning when I rounded the corner of the last apartment at 530 am and saw a man standing in the dark. He was outside smoking - we both peed our pants in fright (figuratively speaking, of course).

About a week ago, each morning I would make the cut through the fence, I felt a single tendril of spider web hit my forehead. As it was a single tendril and not a giant net, I never thought much of it. Each day I would walk through a single tendril - eventually raising my arm up in front of me so that it would hit that instead of my head.

A couple of days ago, I had to walk home. As it was 3pm, I got to finally see what I was walking through each and every morning...

The single tendril.... that connected a giant, thick spider web across the gap, with a yellow hexagonal spider the size of a nickel sitting smack dab in the middle. If I had walked just an inch or two to the left, I would have walked straight through and slapped the center of the thing right on my freaking forehead.

EW. FREAKING .... EW.

I was on the phone with my brother yesterday during my walk home from work. Being a pedestrian, too, he frequently uses The Secret Entrance. I asked if the spider was still there, he said no. I snuck through, and - sure enough - the spider was gone.

This morning rolls around and I leave for work. I'm already running superbly late. I take The Secret Entrance and SMACK! Get a giant, solid spider web right in the center of my face.

Not wanting to squeal and wake the neighborhood, I proceeded to silently run down the sidewalk, arms flailing and slapping all around me.

And that's just how my day STARTED.

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Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
gautelen
Oct. 22nd, 2008 11:35 pm (UTC)
"I proceeded to silently run down the sidewalk, arms flailing and slapping all around me."

Omg, ice tea all over meself in laughter.
imnotbob
Oct. 23rd, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
See, thats what you get for letting Gollem show you the way to work.

When will people learn....
mixedberrywhine
Oct. 23rd, 2008 12:36 am (UTC)
*does the icky spider web in my face dance too* I hate spiders....
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bigstusexy
Oct. 23rd, 2008 02:35 am (UTC)
All this talk of head spider made me think of Head Crabs.

The running silent comment made me laugh I could just envision it, and by the way for some reason you are in one of those synthetic jackets that are good for cold rain and snow while wearing a backpack. I can imagine you running with your eyes tightly shut, mouth puckered up tight and arms flailing like mad while running for the side walk (and only source light) while making only the smallest screaming noise that can't be heard a foot from you but a frightening scream in your head only till you get to the side walk and frantically slap the web off your face and comically spit a few time.

Just be careful in those shortcuts in dark hours of the world mmmk?
view_from_here
Oct. 23rd, 2008 03:54 am (UTC)
damnit Aubrey. First this: http://community.livejournal.com/wtf_nature/346634.html#cutid1

then your story. I HATE SPIDERS. I am going to have nightmares tongiht.
sugarblind
Oct. 23rd, 2008 01:28 pm (UTC)
Aww, Aub. I totally sympathize. Had I been an inch to the left walking into my lobby last night, I'd have had a faceful of quarter-sized spider. HELL NO!
operatic
Oct. 23rd, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
EWWWWW
nevershagagreek
Oct. 23rd, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
One thing I learned if I have a web I frequently encounter and a stubborn bastard of a spider who refuses to build elsewhere.... is to walk with a lighter out in front of me. Spider webs (and presumably stubborn bastard spiders) go up like roman candles.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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