Crunchy, fruity, rebels!
Pouring milk on them is like shooting off a gun.
Punchy, crunchy rebels!
Don't bust your teeth on something sweet and hard!"
With the holidays upon us, it's time once again for our annual holiday
tradition, "A Child's Christmas in Space" by Tom Servo.
Tom: It's quiet in the cold of our own little orbit, starless and bible
black. And as I look down on the big blue bean we would call home I think it
so near, yet... oh, I wish on that star and I hope that in a little
snow-covered house with a warm hearth and a loving family, maybe some kid is
looking up tonight and wishing upon us. Oh, and how I hope sweet Santa will
fly by tonight because if he does I'm gonna reach right out and hug that big
guy. Oh, for the sound of hooves against the steel hull of the ship. Oh, to
see the rosy face of Santa in the porthole, offering me a Coke and a smile...
(gradually becoming upset) ...of course, his cheeks WOULD be rosy because
there's a VACUUM out there! I mean, Santa's HEART would explode! (becoming
hysterical) But HE wouldn't feel it because the capillaries in his brain
would pop like little firecrackers (Joel tries to calm him down) due to the
blood boiling away in his face like pudding in a copper...OH THE HUMANITY!!
(Now both Joel and Crow are trying to calm him down) And his jolly old belly
would start bubbling like a roasted marshmallow, eyes bulging and popping
out... AND THE REINDEER--OH THE REINDEER!!!--keep floating like holiday
floats and in turn exploding in a hail of blood and entrails! Prancer: BOOM!
Joel: Tom, take it easy! Santa's gonna be okay, buddy.
Tom: You sure?
Joel: Yeah, give him a little credit, okay?
Tom: Phew, what a relief!
And it is with that sense of relief that we want to offer you our best wishes
for the Swayziest holiday season ever, if that's okay, and hopes for an
amazing colossal new year.
--The Maintainers of Satellite News